Quotes from Eoin Colfer

A CD. How quaint. We have these in museums.

I can't imagine what they're planning. But I can tell you two things. We won't like it, and it won't be legal.

We're being lead by an idiot with a crayon.

You wouldn't know a clue if it danced in front of you with a T-Shirt that read 'I'm a clue

The problem is that I know the textbook answers to any question you care to ask.

That was horrible. Horrible. That poor little guy." Pex was unrepentant. "Yeah, well, he asked for it. Calling us ... all those things." But---buried alive! That's like in that horror movie. Y'know -- the one with all the horror." I think I saw that one. With all the words going up on the screen at the end?" Yeah, that was it. Tell you the truth, those words kinda ruined it for me.

Humm humm haaa. Rahmumm humm haaaa," intoned Opal, finishing her chant. "Peace be inside me, tolerance all around me, forgiveness in my path. Now, Mervall, show me where the filthy human is so that I may feed him his organs.

Hit that back-stabber where it hurts, right in the ambition.

Dreams come true all the time, just not for the dreamers

There's always time for babbling.

Are you saying that you people knew about these amorophobots all the time?" "Of course we did. They attacked us in Iceland. Remember?" "No. I was unconscious.

Look at those two. Wasting time. You wouldn't catch me doing that.

Artemis: How long will it take you to prepare the time spell? N1 chewed his knuckle: About as long as it takes you to take your clothes off. "Aaarrk," Artemis half choked.

You display inordinate pride for someone who has completed a task which could have been performed by a lesser primate in a shorter time.

Red was smiling back at me. "Ok. I'm not in trouble. But tell me your heart didn't start beating for the first time in a month." I couldn't deny it. So I didn't.

Together we will be unstoppable.

I often meet frustrated young writers who say they've only got so far and just can't finish a book. Even if you don't happen to use what you've worked on that day, it has taught you something and you'll be amazed when you might come back to it and use it again.

I want you to know, my dear friend, that without you, I would not be the person I am today." He leaned in close and whispered, "I was a broken boy, and you fixed me. Thank you.

The thing about reading is that if you are hooked, you're not going to stop just because one series is over; you're going to go and find something else.

How did that go?' he asked. 'Your first lengthy conversation with a girl your own age?' 'Fabulous,' said Artemis, voice dripping with sarcasm. 'We're planning a June wedding.

I have a lovely office at the back of my house; it's an old stable and you can see right out to the countryside on one side and into the house on the other side.

Other men look up and down, left and right; but men like us are different. We are visionaries.

I am perhaps unusual in that I came to 'Doctor Who' through the numerous novelisations and not through the television show.

When I went to school, I was already reading and writing. In fact, I was offended that the other kids couldn't.