Quotes from Eoin Colfer

Ah, my princess. Noble steed. How does the morning find you both?

I did what all good Iriah dads do when faced with a worthy adversary..I said Ask your mother!!

People like me, LB, the truly great ones ... we are always alone.

If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose, then I'm crazy. That's the way history is written.

Everyone says that I have no sense of humor, then I construct a perfectly sound pun around a well-known psychological condition, and it is ignored.

You know you're in trouble when your own imagination starts punishing you.

Evolution is a theory with more holes than a Dutch dam of swiss cheese.

Victor Vigny: A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that's as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.Conor Broekhart: Which resembles a giant banana.

gold is power-artemis fowl I liked the artemis fowl series because its about a boy genius

No, mademoiselle, I would not like to see the children's menu. I have no doubt that the children's menu itself tastes better than the meals on it. I would like to order à la carte. Or don't you serve fish to minors?

I'm right there with you, darlin'. Unless you step on a landmine, in which case I'm way back in the Operations Room.

I am unarmed. But Butler here, my ...ah...butler, has a Sig Saucer in his shoulder holster, two shrike-throwing knives in his boots, aderringer two-shot up his sleeve, garrotte wire in his watch, and three stun greanades concealed in variouse pockets. Anything else, Butler?

Can we please focus? We are supposed to be professionals. Holly said. Not me! said Orion cheerily, I'm just a Teenager with hormones running wild and may I say, young fairy lady, they're running wild in your direction.

A genius. A criminal mastermind. A millionaire. And he is only twelve years old.

about his terrible attempt at making a sandwich) It's more difficult than it looks. (Artemis Fowl)

Look! said Foaly, pointing with some urgency into the vast steel-gray gloom, Someone who cares!

text message) CMDR ROOT. TRBLE BELOW. HAVN OVRRN BY GOBLINS. PLCE PLAZA SRROUNDED. CUDGEON + OPL KBOI BHND PLOT. NO WPONS OR CMMUNICATIONS. DNA CNONS CNTRLLED BY KBOI. I M TRPPED IN OP BTH. CNCL THNKS IM 2 BLM. IF ALIVE PLSE HLP. IF NOT, WRNG NMBR.

I bet, said Mulch, that you would set the world on fire just to watch it burn. Opal tapped the suggestion into a small electronic notepad on her pocket computer. Thanks for that. Now, tell me everything.

If it looks like a Dwarf, and it smells like a Dwarf, then it's probably a Dwarf or a latrine wearing dungerees.

I am charging you with the protection of my mother and friends, not to mention keeping my younger self off the Internet. He is as dangerous as Opal.

Oh, I'm crazy all right. I do have plenty of psychoses. Multiple personality, delusional dementia, OCD. I've got them all, but most of all, I'm crazy about you.

Stay back, human. You don't know what you're dealing with.

to Foaly) Captain Short's life is in danger, so push the button before I climb that tower and push it with your face!

Orion:Oh, how I pray that dragon will turn 'round so that I may smite it. Foaly: Smite it with what? Your secret birthmark? Orion: Don't you mock my birthmark, which I may or may not have.