Quotes from Eoin Colfer

Vinyaya was being openly antagonistic, and that was an emotion that could be trusted, unless of course it was a bluff and the commander was a secret fan of his, unless it was a double bluff and she really did feel antagonistic.

Doobie always wanted to see the badge. It was shiny, and he was eight.

Humans have a saying that Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, which basically means that if you think it's beautiful, then it is beautiful. The elfin version of this saying was composed by the great poet B.O Selecta, who said Even the plainest of the plain shall deign to reign, which critics have always thought was a bit rhymey. The dwarf version of this maxim is If it don't stink, marry it, which is slightly less romantic, but the general gist is the same.

Careful, Mr. Spiro, guns are dangerous. Especially the end with the hole.

I am not exuding anything, said Holly through gritted teeth. Orion tapped her shoulder. I beg to differ. You're exuding right now, a wonderful aura. It's pastel blue with little dolphins.

Scientists are the enemies of tradition , and tradition own all the prisons. - Victor Vigny

Holly: Seven and a half hours to save the world. Isn't there some law that says we get twenty-four? Artemis: I don't think Opal pays much attention to laws.

Yes, Chix, it's between us. Everyone has a right to be temporarily unstable. - Foaly

The Theory of Evolution has more holes in it than a dam made out of Swiss cheese.

We get an apartment together, and after a whirlwind courtship you marry my sister and honeymoon in Vegas.

Her glare was so intense that you completely forgot she was wearing pink.

This was a nightmare scenario for any bodyguard: stuck in the middle of a transparent tube, several miles underwater, with a murdering band of fugitives at one end and an enthralled but still highly skilled police officer at the other.

My truffles? You took them? That's just mean!

Don't worry chief,said foaly,It's like riding a unicorn,you never forget.

Orion nodded, then asked, "Dwarf cheese?" "Cheese made by dwarfs." "Oh," said Orion, relieved. "They make it. It's not actually . . ." "No. What a horrible thought." "Exactly.

She can't afford to commit more troops,' Holly whispered. 'The gate is her priority, and she needs to have as many Berserkers watching her back as possible. We are secondary at this point.' 'That will be her undoing,' Artemis gasped, already suffering under the weight of the flak jacket. 'Artemis Fowl will never be secondary.' 'I thought you were Artemis Fowl the Second?' said Holly.

Have you ever heard of the theory of relativity? Artemis blinked. Is this a joke? I have traveled through time, Doctor. I think I know a little something about relativity.

Trust me. I haven't been wrong yet.

A metaphorical weight lifted from his allegorical chest and Artemis Fowl felt himself again.

to be injured on this tundra would lead to a quick and painful death—or at the very least abject humiliation before the popping flashes of the tourist season's tail end, which was slightly less painful than a painful death, but lasted longer.

I have no time for babbling foolishness." "Don't be so hasty," said Victor. "There's always time for babbling.

The little boys did as they were told, eager to please their deranged brother. Ici, garcon , they chorused, pudgy fingers raised. And then from the corner of his mouth, Myles whispered to his twin, Artemis simple-toon.

This might hurt a little is universal code for this will definitely hurt a lot

The craft's occupants clutched their armrests, and more than one of them closed their eyes. But not Artemis. He couldn't. There was something morbidly fascinating about flying into an uncharted tunnel at a reckless speed with only a kleptomaniac dwarf's word for what lay at the other end.