Quotes from Eoin Colfer

Sig Sauer. Nine millimetres. Thirteen in the magazine. Big bullets. One of these hits you and it could blow your head off; something even the magic can't fix. Other than that you should be all right, presuming you remembered to wear the regulation above-ground micro-fibre jumpsuit recently patented by me. Then again, being a Recon jock, you probably didn't.

Well, I don't like the first bit and I don't know the last bit. So I'm really hoping the middle bit is exceptional.

Artemis Fowl will never be secondary. I thought you were Artemis Fowl the Second? said Holly.

Who or what inspires you? I must admit that I often read my own articles in scientific journals and inspire myself.

Are you saying that you people knew about these amorophobots all the time? Of course we did. They attacked us in Iceland. Remember? No. I was unconscious.

Holly frowned at her. Glad to see you've forgiven yourself so quickly. Harboring feelings of guilt can have a negative affect on mental health. Child geniuses, growled Holly. Genii, said Minerva.

There is no such thing as a happy ending. Every culture has a maxim that makes this point, while nowhere in the Universe is there a single gravestone that reads 'He Loved Everything About His Life, Especially the Dying Bit at the End'.

Is that how you're going to take me? Scare me into voluntarily coming aboard, then steal my Ice Cube? It's always cubes with you, noted Foaly, somewhat randomly. What's wrong with a nice sphere?

I can grow cameras! she had shrieked at the Brill brothers during one briefing. Who's to say that despicable centaur Foaly hasn't succeded in splicing surveillance equiptment to plants? So get rid of all the flowers. Rocks, too. I don't trust them. Sullen little blebers.

I'm LEP. A captain. No rent-a-cop gnome is going to stand in the way of my orders.

Hardly. A ragged apron does not a waiter make.

Play along, the wink said. I'll get you out of this. At least Artemis hoped this was what his wink communicated and not something like 'Any chance of another kiss later?

If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose then I'm mad. That's the way history is written

Holly is alive,' thought Foaly 'My princess lives,'exulted Orion. 'And we're chasing a dragon

Foaly twitched his tail contentedly. Genius. No point in being humble about it.

You guys looking for my dad? People are always, like, looking for him, and he's never around. Daddy is so not here. And I mean that literally and spiritually.

Artemis: Holly, how did you find me? Holly: Oh, I saw a huge explosion and wondered: now, who could that be?

They have gone. And the tunnel is about to close. So, boys, I am looking for someone to blame.

about Dr. Po) Just another quack spouting psychobabble.

I hear that you were on a date with Trouble Kelp. Are you two planning on building a bivouac any time soon?

Don't hate me forever, Arty, whispered Holly. I couldn't bear that.

Why can't we for once have a meeting in Starbucks?

I just pulled a pretty big job and needed to hide out for awhile. ...Where's all the loot? That, as my cousin Nord would say, is where my improvised lie falls apart. Artemis put two and two together and arrived at a very unpleasant four. You were here to rob me! No, I wasn't. How dare you?!

Holly winked. 'Do I look like a fly boy to you, Fowl?' Artemis had to admit that she didn't. Captain Short was extremely pretty in a dangerous sort of way. Black-widow pretty. Artemis was expecting puberty to hit in approximately eight months, and he suspected that at that point he would look at Holly in a different light. It was probably just as well that she was eighty years old.