Quotes from Eoin Colfer

That's the last order I'll ever give you Captain. Don't you dare ignore it.

Friendship isn't a science mudboy. Just do what you think is right.

Genius inspires resentment. A sad fact of life.

Butler snapped his fingers. Focus, Artemis! Time enough for your Atlantis Complex later. We have the Atlantis Trench outside that door and six miles of water above it. If you want to stay alive, you need to stay alert. He turned to Holly. This is ridiculous. I'm pulling the plug. Holly's mouth was a tight line as she shook her head. Navy rules, Butler. You're on my boat, you follow my orders. As I remember, I brought the boat. Yes, thanks for bringing my boat.

So if you're not Artemis Fowl, then who are you? The boy extended a dripping hand straight up. My name is Orion. I am so pleased to meet you at last. I am, of course, your servant. Holly shook the proferred hand, thinking that manners were lovely, but she really needed someone cunning and ruthless right now, and this kid didn't appear to be very cunning.

how does she know it's the right room?' wondered Descant. Oh, I don't know; mabye it's the magical red glow coming from the doorway, or perhaps it's the deafening howl of the temporal winds.' said Mervall. Descant nodded.'You could be right, brother. And don't think I don't know sarcasm when I hear it.

A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that's as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.

And I will not be beaten by that jackass. Jackass? said Foaly, wounded. My favorite uncle is a jackass.

The only other scenario that could explain everything, up to and including your own bizarre apperance, is a convoluted conspiracy theory involving the Russian Mafia and a crack team of plastic surgeons.

He threw his head back and sang, 'I am a centaur, yes, a centaur is what I am.' It's not like you to wax, Artemis Foaly is singing, said Holly. Surely that's illegal?

Remember this? You gave it to me for ensuring your trigger finger got reattached to your hand. You said it would remind me of that spark of decency inside me. I'm trying to do something decent now, Captain.

Orion sniffed. Good. Then, worthy centaur, perhaps you could give me a ride to the village on your way back. Then I can make a few pennies wth my verses while you build us a shack and perform circus tricks for passersby. This was such a surprising statement that Foaly briefly considered jumping into the hole to get away.

Nobody's death is impending. ...Well technically everyone's death is impending.

And it's amazing how much noise people ignoring each other can make.

Onscreen, Foaly rubbed his eyelids with his index fingers. Yeah, yeah. Here we go. Captain Short goes rogue once more. Hands up who's surprised. Anyone?

Ah, my princess. Noble steed. How does the morning find you both?

She forces me to endure this ridiculous therapy, when the so-called counselors are little better than misguided do-gooders with degrees. -Artemis Fowl

Don't feel bad; I regularly reduce people to unintelligible stammers.

Ah, yes, the trusty time paradox . If I go back in time and kill my grandfather, then shall I cease to exist? I believe, as Gorben and Berndt did, that any repercussions are already being felt. We can only change the future, not the past or present. If I go back, then I have already been back. - Artemis Fowl

Let's save some time here. I grow weary of your clumsy bluffs. In the case of an abduction, the LEP will send a crack Retrieval team to get back what has been lost.. You have done so. Excuse me while I titter. Crack team? Honestly. A Cub-Scout patrol armed with water pistols could have defeated them.

The next minute or so was spent howling on the ceiling . Imp No.1 joined in, but he wasn't really feeling it. It shouldn't be Who do we hate?, he thought, it really should be whom, but this probably wasn't a good time to bring that up.

We're being led by an idiot with a crayon.

Other men look up and down, left and right; but men like us are different. We are visionaries.

HOLLY: Are you suggesting I occasionally stray from the rule book? FOALY: No. I'm suggesting you do not own a copy of the rule book, and if you do, you have certainly never opened it.