Quotes from Craig Johnson

a beautiful, intelligent woman with a body like Salome and a mouth like a saltwater crocodile.

They say statistics by their nature don't lie, but in my opinion they sometimes do and damnably at that.

It is difficult to confront madness, because insanity is a stranger to reason and any reasonable response would be insane.

I couldn't help but remember the one at my parents' place after they had passed. I'd gone through their things and hadn't kept much, but when it came time for the auction I'd had a strong impulse to bid on everything like some museum curator attempting to keep the collection whole.

I flattered myself by thinking that, if faced with such a circumstance, I would respond within the letter of the law; but passion is a strange thing, a thing that warps and twists everything with which it comes in contact.

Small chains wound their way through the trigger guards with little bronze locks at the end of each row. It was like a chain gang for weapons. Some of them might be good, some of them might be bad, but there was no way to tell until somebody picked them up.

Trees teach us patience, but grass teaches us persistence.

and in that is their power, the strength of many—chaos.

Good friends are the ones who can remain close without losing their ability to

I thought about how you could kill a victim only once, but how a crime scene could die a thousand deaths.

Hey youngster, I didn't catch your name." I paused for only a second, continuing to look down the valley at the small town. "I didn't throw it.

We can't risk moving him, he's an eyelash from being dead." Leaning into her, I gave out with the old ER saying, "They're not dead until they're warm and dead.

I guess we are back to you. Know your rights?" "Yes, but it is the wrongs that keep getting me into trouble, Officer.

I extended a finger in the direction a straight trajectory would have taken. "Detect.

their child is dead? Sure

Vic interrupted. "Vann, Tim here was telling me about your wonderful talent, the one with dogs?" He turned back to me, nodding with a great deal of enthusiasm. "In my free time, I teach dogs how to talk. I use mental telepathy and can get them to say words like hello, squirrel, and hamburger." •

Meadowlark Elementary

You got any glasses?" "What, you too good to drink out 'a the bottle?" I handed it to him and watched as he took a slug and then with a great deal of animation wiped off the mouth of the bottle with a flannel shirtsleeve I was sure hadn't been changed in a week.

Lucian spoke. "Isaac, I gotta get out of here." He gestured toward me. "The current sheriff and full-time layabout and his redskin sidekick need my help.

Always follow the money; rendering unto Caesar what is his may not be pleasurable, but the records are great.

My eyes closed again for what I thought was only a moment and when I opened them she was gone and a different head, panting with a different sort of breath and with a worried look on his long face, was hanging over me. Unsure, he slathered a lick on the side of my head with a tongue as wide as a paperback, correct in the belief that a good kiss made everything better—well, almost everything.

I secure what's left of my dwindling humanity with the false confidence of the living, the deceitful wit of the eight-foot tall and bulletproof. Yea, verily, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will live forever. If I don't, I sure as hell won't become an unattended death in the state of Wyoming with sheep shit all over me. We

At least I'm not reading a book by Alexander dumass.

Motives are all fine and good, but if we could find out the how, we'd have a shooting's match chance of finding out the who.