Quotes from Daniel J. Siegel

One of the best ways to promote this type of integration is to help retell the story of the frightening or painful experience.

Even if an emotion seems ridiculous to you, don't forget that it's very real to your child, so you don't want to dismiss something that's important to her.

CONFUNDIMOS COHERENCIA CON RIGIDEZ «Coherencia» significa trabajar a partir de una filosofía fiable y congruente para que los niños sepan qué esperamos de ellos. Esto no significa mantener una inquebrantable devoción a algún conjunto arbitrario de reglas. Así, a veces puedes hacer excepciones a las reglas, hacer la vista gorda ante alguna infracción menor o ser más permisivo.

sense of danger, we cannot activate what Porges calls the social engagement system. And we don't access what I've called a self-engagement system either (see

Como padres, estamos programados para intentar proteger a nuestros hijos de todo sufrimiento y dolor, pero en realidad eso es imposible. Nuestros hijos se caerán, se sentirán heridos y sufrirán miedo, tristeza y enfado. De hecho, a menudo estas experiencias difíciles son las que les permiten crecer y descubrir el mundo.

What this means is reflecting on your relationships in the past in your own family life and asking yourself how those experiences influenced your development.

The problem, though, is that especially in children, the amygdala frequently fires up and blocks the stairway connecting the upstairs and downstairs brain.

You won't always be able to discipline in a way that both connects and redirects.

When we teach mindsight, we take moments of conflict and transform them into opportunities for learning, skill building, and brain development

not only is the upstairs brain under construction, but even the part of it that can function becomes inaccessible during moments of high emotion or stress.

After retelling the story several times, Bella's fears lessened and eventually went away.

When we say to embrace emotions, we mean that during redirection, parents need to help their kids understand that their feelings are neither good nor bad, neither valid nor invalid. They simply are. There's nothing wrong with getting angry, being sad, or feeling so frustrated that you want to destroy something. But saying it's OK to feel like destroying something doesn't mean it's OK to actually do it.

Think about what this information means, practically, as we raise kids who don't have constant access to their upstairs brain. It's unrealistic to expect them always to be rational, regulate their emotions, make good decisions, think before acting, and be empathetic—all of the things a developed upstairs brain helps them do.

what we do as a result of our emotions that determines whether our behavior is OK or not OK.

So does that give them a get-out-of-jail-free card ("Sorry, Mom, that I squirted our new puppy's face with Windex. I guess my upstairs brain wasn't fully engaged")? Hardly. In fact, it actually gives us parents even more incentive to see that our kids develop the faculties that result in appropriate behavior.

Quiero esas zapatillas de princesa ahora mismo!». Pero nos damos cuenta de que sabe perfectamente lo que hace, y que a todas luces sigue una estrategia y nos manipula para conseguir un fin deseado: que lo dejemos todo y le compremos las zapatillas en el acto.

A medida que los padres adquieren mayor conciencia y son cada vez más sanos emocionalmente, sus hijos cosechan los frutos y también ellos avanzan hacia la salud. Eso significa que integrar y cultivar tu propio cerebro es uno de los regalos más afectuosos y generosos que puedes ofrecer a tus hijos.

6. NOS OLVIDAMOS DE CENTRARNOS EN CÓMO DECIMOS LO QUE DECIMOS Lo que decimos a los niños importa. Naturalmente. Pero cómo lo decimos es igual de importante. Aunque no resulta fácil, hemos de proponernos ser amables y respetuosos cada vez que nos comuniquemos con nuestros hijos. Es muy posible que no siempre demos en el clavo, pero este debe ser el objetivo.

Things as they are clash with things as our top-down invariant processes expect them to be. We shove sensation through the filter of the past to make the future predictable. In the process, we lose the present. But because the present is all that exists, we have lost everything in the bargain.

You can feel whatever you feel, but you can't always do whatever you want to do.

when we need to say no to their behavior and redirect them toward appropriate action.

one extreme is chaos, where there's a total lack of control. The other extreme is rigidity, where there's too much control, leading to a lack of flexibility and adaptability. We all move

Whatever the focus of attention, each of these mindful awareness practices involves an aiming of our awareness on two basic dimensions: Awareness of awareness and attention to intention. Such

being more open and letting go of judgment and anticipation expands our awareness of all the vicissitudes of life.