Quotes from Lemony Snicket

Never say you're hungry until you learn what they're fixing.

It may be difficult to believe, but, at any given moment, someone somewhere is in a dangerous situation and other people in some other place are dancing and having a good time. The world is often like this. A celebration here; terrible trouble just outside the door.

Count Olaf sounds like an awful person. I hope he is torn apart by wild animals someday.

That's the wicked way of the world. Everything's covered in smoke and mirrors.

There are so many objects that I find that I have forgotten about until they are in my hands again, and they remind me of times in my life I had otherwise forgotten, the way you will visit a place you think is new and then something, a sound or smell or some tiny detail, will make you realize it is familiar after all.

But finally, into the world came a baby girl, just as, I'm very, very sorry to say, her mother, and my sister, slipped away from the world after a long night of suffering—but also a night of joy, as the birth of a baby is always good news, no matter how much bad news the baby will hear later.

we should be experiencing the strange feeling that accompanies the arrival of dramatic irony. This feeling is not unlike the sinking in one's stomach when one is in an elevator that suddenly goes down, or when you are snug in bed and your closet door suddenly creaks open to reveal the person who has been hiding there.

Who you are and what you read is private in a library.

BRETT HELQUIST

Bye bye doggie.

And a town not too far from where you live has a law that bars me from coming within five miles of its borders

I'm sure you have heard it said that appearance does not matter so much, and that it is what's on the inside that counts. This is, of course, utter nonsense, because if it were true then people who were good on this inside would never have to comb their hair or take a bath, and the whole world would smell even worse than it already does.

Who knows what any of those people or fish would do in our shoes?" Violet said. "It's impossible to know.

Defenestration" is

take either forty-eight or eighty-four pages to

Do the scary thing first, and get scared later

Don't be absurd!" Jerome said. "Ruthless kidnapping villains aren't in!

Is the elevator out of order?" Violet asked. "I'm very good with mechanical devices, and I'd be happy to take a look at it." "That's a very kind and unusual offer," the doorman said.

I have instructed myself, over and over, to keep my notebook handy at all times, but if you told me to describe myself in one word, it would be "not very good at following directions.

white beans, cherry tomatoes, and fresh basil, all mixed together with lime juice, olive oil, and cayenne pepper

It is true that something terrible might happen to you walking around by yourself at night, which is why I always ran instead of walking

As I'm sure you know, whenever you are examining someone else's belongings, you are bound to learn many interesting things about the person of which you were not previously aware... I recently looked in the refrigerator of one of my enemies and learned she was a vegetarian, or at least pretending to be one, or had a vegetarian visiting her for a few days.

There are words for a woman who walks the streets late at night," she said, with another meaningful look. "Words like insomniac.

I saw a woman wearing suspicious lettuce!