Quotes from Jane Nelsen

Effective communication. Parents and children (even little ones) can learn to listen well and use respectful words to ask for what they need.

you will work together to find respectful, helpful solutions to the challenges you face, from spilled apple juice to bedtime woes.

Encouragement celebrates effort and improvement, not just success, and builds a long-term sense of self-worth and confidence.

How might you feel if everything you tried was a little beyond your ability to succeed—and you were criticized for the efforts you made?

Children do better when they feel better. Where did we get the crazy idea that in order to "make" children behave, we should make them feel shame, humiliation, or even pain? Children are more motivated to cooperate, learn new skills, and offer affection and respect when they feel encouraged, connected, and loved.

True discipline guides, teaches, and invites healthy behavior. As you may have discovered, you can never really control anyone's behavior but your own, and attempts to control your child usually create more problems and power struggles.

Life with an active, challenging toddler becomes much easier when you accept that positive learning does not take place in a threatening atmosphere. As research in respected university child development labs has consistently demonstrated, children don't learn healthy attitudes and life skills when they are feeling scared, hurt, or angry.

There is a difference between wants and needs, and your little one's needs are simpler than you might think. All genuine needs should be met. When you give in to all wants, however, you can create problems for your child and for yourself.

Your child will need lots of opportunities to exercise his imagination and creativity as he grows. (Sometimes that includes time to play alone.)

For example, your child needs food, shelter, and attachment. He needs warmth and security. He needs to learn he is capable and can contribute. He does not need a tablet computer, a television in his bedroom, a miniature monster truck to drive

children learn from all of their senses, and having the opportunity to get messy is a valuable part of play—and learning. (You can always clean up together afterward

From his earliest moments in your family, your young child has four basic needs: 1. A sense of belonging (connection) 2. A sense of personal power and autonomy (capability) 3. Social and life skills (contribution) 4. Kind and firm discipline that teaches (with dignity and respect)

Children learn respect by seeing what it looks like in action.

Don't expect a child to do something "right now" when you are interrupting something she is thoroughly engaged in. Give her some warning. "We need to leave the park in two minutes. Do you want to swing one more time

don't get the impression that your baby needs constant stimulation. Babies need private time to explore by themselves.

invite her to help you pick out a ringtone on your phone. Then set the timer together for an agreed-upon time. When it goes off, it is time to go.

wonder, "Would they rather have weak-willed children?"): children who won't obey, won't listen, or have temper tantrums. Some of this behavior is typical of a young child's development, as children explore and experiment to discover who they are and what they can do.

shame and humiliation are disrespectful, and a child who is treated with disrespect is likely to return the favor.

Kindness and firmness show respect for your child's dignity, your own dignity, and the needs of the situation.

It is amazing how a child who resists a direct order will respond with enthusiasm when that order becomes an invitation to play. Try telling your toddler, "I bet you can't pick up all your little cars before I count to ten

wonder if you can brush your teeth and get into your pajamas before Dad does.

a true sense of self-worth does not come from being loved, praised, or showered with goodies. It comes from having skills that provide a sense of capability and resilience to handle the ups and downs and disappointments of life.

Do your best to be empathetic when your child cries (or has a temper tantrum). He may just be frustrated with his lack of abilities.

When children are young, they love to imitate parents, grandparents, and other caregivers. Your toddler will want to push the vacuum cleaner, squirt the bottle of bathroom cleaner, and cook breakfast (with lots of supervision). As your little one grows more capable, you can use these everyday moments of life together to teach her how to become a competent, confident person