Quotes from Elaine N. Aron

So you're in good company. Ignore the barbs about "lightening up." Enjoy the levity of others and allow yourself your own specialty. If you are not good at chitchat, be proud of your silence. Equally important, when your mood changes and your extraverted self appears, let it be as clumsy or silly as it needs to be. We are all awkward doing our nonspecialty. You possess one piece of the "good." It would only be arrogance to think any of us should have it all.

the only real difference between racist, sexist people and those who are not is the conscious effort that the latter make to counteract their learned-in-childhood, unconscious prejudices.

Sometime in your past you entered a social situation (usually overstimulating to begin with) and felt that you failed. Others said you did something wrong

Yet another form of rest, perhaps the most essential, is "transcendence" – rising above it all, usually in the form of meditation, contemplation, or prayer. At least some of your transcendent time should be aimed at taking you out of all ordinary thinking, into pure consciousness, pure being, pure unity, or oneness with God.

We do not just have an idea of how someone else feels; we actually feel that way ourselves to some extent.

When seeing photos of their loved ones being unhappy, sensitive persons also showed more activation in areas suggesting they wanted to do something, to act, even more than in areas involving empathy (perhaps we learn to cool down our intense empathy in order to help). But overall, brain activation indicating empathy was stronger in HSPs

Like a plant, the kind of seed that goes into the ground—your innate temperament—is only part of the story. The quality of soil, water, and sun also deeply affects the grown plant that is now you.

The ideal personality is embodied, in Mead's words, in "every thread of the social fabric–in the care of the young child, the games the children play, the songs the people sing, the political organization, the religious observance, the art and the philosophy." Other traits are ignored, discouraged, or if all else fails, ridiculed. What is the ideal in our culture?

But psychology is not perfect. It can only reflect the biases of the culture from which it comes.

You can be, should be, and need to be involved in the world. It truly needs you.

priority. Some overeat to become unattractive, some overstudy or overtrain so they have no free time, some pick one boy early and hang on to him for protection.

In short, somewhere inside you there is a Machiavelli. Yes, he is a ruthless manipulator; but no prince, especially a kind one, would stay in power long without at least one advisor with as remorseless a point of view as that of the enemies a prince will surely have. The trick is to listen well but keep Machiavelli in his place.

For the meaning of life differs from man to man, from day to day and from hour to hour. . . . To put the question in general terms would be comparable to the question posed to a chess champion, "Tell me, Master, what is the best move in the world?" There simply is no such thing as the best or even a good move apart from a particular situation in a game. . . . One should not search for an abstract meaning of life.

HSPs usually respond to change with resistance. Or we try to throw ourselves into it, but we still suffer from it. We just don't "do" change well, even good changes. That can be the most maddening. When

When we decide without knowing how we came to that decision, we call this intuition, and HSPs have good (but not infallible!) intuition. When you make a decision consciously, you may notice that you are slower than others because you think over all the options so carefully. That's depth of processing too.

Others knew they were different, but hid it and adapted, acting like the non-sensitive majority.

The local newspaper got wind of it and published an article titled "Born to Be Mild" in the Sunday Lifestyle section, with a big photo of us.

To Jung, the unconscious contains important wisdom to be learned. A life lived in deep communication with the unconscious is far more influential and personally satisfying.

Further, we are so responsive to our environments that we can be somewhat like chameleons when around others, doing whatever it takes to fit in.

And there are plenty of ways to self-destruct: marrying or having a baby in a way that imprisons one in a narrow, prescribed role; abusing drugs or alcohol; becoming physically or mentally incapacitated; joining a cult or organization that offers security and answers; or suicide.

Envy can wake us up to one of two truths: We want something and better do something about it while we still can, or we want something and just cannot have it. […] If your envy is strong and you decide you want to do something, you probably can.

To her, such sensitivity was hardly a sign of a mental flaw or disorder. At least she hoped not, for she was highly sensitive herself. I recall her grin. "As are most of the people who strike me as really worth knowing.

HSPs tend to fill that advisor role. We are the writers, historians, philosophers, judges, artists, researchers, theologians, therapists, teachers, parents, and plain conscientious citizens.

You were born to be among the advisors and thinkers, the spiritual and moral leaders of your society. There is every reason for pride.