Quotes from Elaine N. Aron

Meanwhile, your body was learning not to respond as if threatened by each new experience. And in the absence of a response, the body did not experience distressing, long-term arousal. You found that your body was a friend to trust. At the same time, you were learning that you had a special body, a sensitive nervous system. But you could handle things by learning when to push yourself a little, when to take your time, when to back off entirely, when to rest and try later.

Alas, non-therapy relationships sometimes can't withstand the task of undoing childhood-based insecurity (the avoidance of intimacy or the compulsion to merge and fear of being abandoned).

Research on parenting, for example, continually finds the elusive quality of "sensitivity" to be the key in raising children well. Turning

When holding is not adequate, when the infant/body is intruded upon or neglected—or worse, abused—stimulation is too intense for the infant/body self. Its only recourse is to stop being conscious and present, thereby developing a habit of "dissociating" as a defense. Overstimulation at this age also interrupts self-development. All energy must be directed toward keeping the world from intruding. The whole world is dangerous.

Also, while you go out into the world unconsciously seeking that long-desired security, without extensive experience with what you seek, you often repeat the same old mistakes, choosing again and again the same familiar sort of person who makes you feel insecure.

It is true for everyone, even infants. They hate to feel bored or overwhelmed.

So unless this section of the chapter is distressing you, stop and take some time to think about your infant/body's first caretaker and the similarities between that early caretaking and how you care for yourself now.

Have you imagined yourself in Jesse's place? What a confusing situation. The source of your arousal is utterly out of your control. Your intuition tells you that the other, usually so helpful, is now anything but help. Yet the other is laughing, having fun, expecting you to. Here is a reason why you may find it hard even now to know what you do and do not like, separate from what others like to do to you or with you or think you should like.

One way is to seek the point where the path directed by our greatest bliss crosses that directed by the world's greatest need—that is, what it is willing to pay for.

If the relationship has been a source of comfort, it also deserves your seeing that it continue to be a source of satisfying self-expansion.

The pursuit of wholeness is really a kind of circling closer and closer through different meanings, different voices. One never arrives, yet gets a better and better idea of that which is at the center.

Once we do notice arousal, we want to name it and know its source in order to recognize danger. And often we think that our arousal is due to fear. We do not realize that our heart may be pounding from the sheer effort of processing extra stimulation.

Children seem to thrive when their caretakers are sensitive. And I have met many highly sensitive caretakers who were at their happiest tending their children or the children of others.

Or maybe you just want to read, travel, study, or talk until you figure out the meaning of human life on this planet. It takes both types to make a world.

Introverts] are also more flexible in a sense, in that sometimes they must do what extraverts do all the time, meet strangers and go to parties. But some extraverted people can avoid being introverted, turning inward, for years at a time.

Of course, it is also good to have quite a few in a group who are not so alert to all the dangers and consequences of every action. They will rush out without a whole lot of thought to explore every new thing or fight for the group or territory. Every society needs both. And maybe there is a need for more of the less sensitive because more of them tend to get killed! This is all speculation, of course.

Is Your Child Highly Sensitive? A Parent's Questionnaire Please answer each question as best you can. Answer TRUE if it is true or at least moderately true of your child, or was for a substantial time in the past. Answer FALSE if it has not been very true of your child, or was never true. My child . . .

Praise yourself for taking risks and learning something new rather than for your successes; it will help you cope with failure. Try not to constantly compare yourself to others; it invites excessive competition. Allow time to think. Keep your expectations realistic. Be your own advocate. Support your right to be yourself.

Part of maturing into wisdom is transferring more and more of your sense of security from the tangible to the intangible containers.

You have probably learned to take downtime when you need it, which is more often than others do, and avoid overstimulating environments, but only people close to you see this side of you.

Everyone has a limit as to how much information or stimulation can be taken in before getting overloaded, overstimulated, overaroused, overwhelmed, and just over! We simply reach that point sooner than others. Fortunately, as soon as we get some downtime we recover nicely.

Sooner or later everyone encounters stressful life experiences, but HSPs react more to such stimulation. If you see this reaction as part of some basic flaw, you intensify the stress already present in any life crisis.

Like the fire department, we HSPs mostly respond to false alarms. But if our sensitivity saves a life even once, it is a trait that has a genetic payoff. So, yes, when our trait leads to overarousal, it is a nuisance. But it is part of a package deal with many advantages.

While someone might tell you that you are making too much of your childhood problems, this research says you are probably not. You really were more affected and would benefit or have already benefited from help if you sought it, even if others would not feel the need.