Quotes About Life

Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter could be said to remedy anything.

Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: "Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?"

Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing.

I want to help people, give hope to all. Humor is the foundation of our lives.

New York is not Mecca. It just smells like it.

I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't.

I bought myself a parrot, but it did not say "I'm hungry", and so it died.

That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse.

I can't decide whether to commit suicide or go bowling.

Unfortunately for a multitude of occultists, humor is a rare ingredient in their lives. In fact it is their very lack of humor that has impelled them into the arcane and esoteric.

Ultimate seriousness in not without a dose of humor.

Absolute seriousness is never without a dash of humor.

As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still leads me, one to nothing, in burning yourself up.

He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which.

How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.

Tomorrow is promised to no one.

They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.

Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn't be any fun living in it, or profit.

How can I die? I'm booked.

It got up to 94 degrees today – that's pretty good at my age.

Nothing is better than the unintended humor of reality.

We seemed to be trapped in an episode of One Life To Waste. It's all very dull.

If all the fools in this world should die, lordly God how lonely I should be.