Quotes About Humor

Your name's longer'n you are.

Darling, you can nail my ass anytime," he said charmingly, and turned to go back to his table.

It takes Burnett only a moment to figure out what I'm talking about, but says, 'I'm on it. What's wrong with your voice?' 'I'm eating biscuits.' 'You're eating biscuits?' Burnett is obviously still a bit sleepy, since I couldn't have made myself much clearer. 'Yes, sir. I'm eating biscuits. Stolen chocolate digestives. Oh, also, we're going to need some ambulances.' 'Ambulances?' 'Sir, is this a new game where you repeat everything I say?

If they invent a car that runs on stupid jokes, you could go far.

Either I'm funny or the world's funny. I don't know which. The bottle and lid don't fit. It could be the bottle's fault or the lid's fault. In either case, there's no denying that the fit is bad.

Of course, they're not clowning around trying to make me laugh. They're doing their best to live very serious lives, and they just happen to fall down sometimes. I think that's cool.

Like my hairstyle? she asked. It's great. How great? Great enough to knock down all the trees in all the forests of the world.

I can't build a simple shelf. I have no idea how to change an oil filter on a car. I can't even stick a stamp on an envelope straight. And I'm always dialling the wrong number. But I have come up with a few original cocktails that people seem to like.

Date etiquette lesson number two: Don't die. Go on living.

It seems to me that very sad things always contain an element of the comical

Are there any capitalist cats? Nakata asked

I'm not going to die with you just because you made lunch for me. Of course, if it had been dinner...

Throwing up was no big deal. It was a lot less painful than hemorrhoids or tooth decay, and more refined than diarrhea

Sumire frowned and sighed. "If they invent a car that runs on stupid jokes, you could go far.

A good mood, incidentally, spreads most swiftly by the judicious use of humor. For

I got kicked out of Brownies and they won't give me another chance to keep my clothes on at camp. Also

I personally believed that the bathroom door should be kept shut at all times, ever since my hamster Skippy had escaped from his little cage and mysteriously drowned in my potty chair. My sister could do a dreadfully accurate imitation of the look on Skippy's face when we found him, and she preferred to perform it at odd times, just so I would never forget that I was implicated in the death of an innocent rodent.

A veces creo que los dioses se burlan de nosotros.

We just thought of old age as some sort of clown routine.

Seriousness shows itself more majestically when laughter leads the way.

Alcohol units: 5. Drowning sorrows. Cigarettes: 23. Fumigating sorrows. Calories: 3,856. Smothering sorrows in fat duvet.

I began to think I quite liked her really. It's always so nice to meet someone more badly behaved than oneself.

Bridget Jones, wanton sex goddess, with a very bad man between her thighs... Mum... Hi.

All got really plastered after that. Was completely fantastic evening. As Tom said, if Miss Havisham had had some jolly flatmates to take the piss out of her she would never have stayed so long in her wedding dress.