Quotes About Humor

I joked to my wife as she drove me home that I felt as if I had been repeatedly sucked into the asshole of God.

If I were actually Homer Simpson, I'd be getting scripts out the wazoo.

My family is really a classy 'Simpsons.'

I grew up poor. To me, interior decorating is my big-screen TV, my couch and my Simpsons poster.

I don't know how I've managed to reach the age of 45 as a professional comedian and not watched more 'Simpsons,' considering everyone says it's one of the best shows ever.

I was very moved by shows that combined things that were funny and sad. I remember liking 'Simpsons' episodes in which emotions were central.

I'm never happier when writing than when I see gags taking shape - ideally, gags at my own expense. What I like is the shuttling back and forth, serious into comedy and vice-versa, ideally, both in the same sentence, or even simultaneously. The best jokes are always ideas in miniature.

I'd like to have a kid, but I'd probably get a Frank Sinatra Jr. instead of a Gilbert Gottfried Jr. I'd totally screw up like that.

I played on a lot of Sinatra sessions. He was simply awesome. He liked to laugh, and he could be one of the boys when he wanted. But he was also a very serious performer.

A lot of people have asked me how short I am. Since my last divorce, I think I'm about $100,000 short.

Laughter is the only currency I've really ever known. Ever since I was a boy.

I would say some of the food I talk about that I really enjoy, like cake and bacon, I eat a lot less than I portray in my act. But that stuff that I dislike, it's pretty sincere.

It's fun to be sarcastic, but now I'm able to express myself in a way that's much more sincere.

I can get away with anything. But when I try to be sincere, people just roll their eyes.

I'm a big fan of saying the thing that is not necessarily sincere or earnest, but definitely honest.

I realized that comedians of the day were operating on jokes and punch lines. The moment you say the punch line, the audience either laughs sincerely or they laugh automatically or they don't laugh. The thing that bothered me was that automatic laugh. I said, that's not real laughter.

God bless Chris Guest... and I mean it sincerely.

I wish I had the voice of Homer to sing of rectal carcinoma.

Luckily, my dad doesn't sing.

I never sing in the shower. It's very dangerous.

If you heard me sing, you would just plug your ears and run, screaming, the other way. I promise.

I don't really sing.

I'm a much better singer than actor, which doesn't really say a whole lot.

I never thought of myself as a singer, like ever, ever, ever. It's hysterical that I sing.