Quotes About Humor

I can explain that shot. Arnold moved his wallet to the other pocket.

I always loved the signs on the outfield walls, and I'll never forget the one in Philadelphia. It said, 'The Phillies use Lifebuoy soap,' and underneath was scrawled, 'And they still stink.'

A lot of stand-up comedy is embarrassing: too many idiots doing it in orange neckties against brick walls. I find most sitcoms embarrassing, too, because they seem so forced.

I was a giant fan of 'Whose Line Is It Anyway' in high school, and I was obsessed with Jim Carrey and cut out any picture of Jim Carrey that ever came in any kind of magazine. I put it all over my walls. At the time, I thought humor was just repeating lines from 'Ace Ventura' ad nauseum in the back of my advanced math class.

With the wacky jokes that we do on 'Great News,' you do overall still want to be coming from a place of truth with your character because, otherwise, it's just off the walls.

Of course I get drunk, my brain is only the size of a walnut.

My mother played the piano and my father the violin, I can remember my dad teaching me how to waltz; I had my feet on his, my mother playing the piano, and my husband will tell you the lessons weren't very successful.

The waltz is a very important part of my life. It's a very important way for me to express my positiveness, bringing humor to the world.

I intend to do the Penn & Teller show until they pry my cheesy magic wand from my cold dead fingers.

I have a wandering eye and a lazy eye so they cancel each other out. It's a push.

I wanna do some more goofy comedy stuff; I really enjoyed doing 'A Touch of Cloth.'

I was the dude you didn't wanna go to school with, because I would come to school and get on your shoes. If you had a hole in your pants, I'd talk about it all day long. If your hair was messed up, if you had buck teeth, I'd talk about it all day long. And I made people laugh doing it, but it wasn't like I thought I was a comedian.

I see guys with, like, eyebrow art, and I wanna tell them, 'You don't have to go too crazy on your brows. Take it easy, man!'

I'm not a confrontational person in real life, so I really don't wanna get into arguments or fistfights with people I'm making fun of.

My mom and dad will look at me and my husband, and they're like 'I feel so sorry for this child! He's not eating fish sticks and pizza!' I'm like, 'We try to give it to him, but he doesn't wanna eat it!'

I was doing a college show for the first time, and there was this 20-year-old gay male who's been diabetic his entire life. He said, 'I really wanna get into stand-up.' I was like, 'Oh, my God, do you realize how interesting and inherently funny you are? Go do all the comedy that you wanna do.' I care about that.

I think I always wanna write comedy because that's what feels truest to me; it feels closest to life as I know it, so that's what I want to reproduce.

I wanna be as transparent as possible. I'm not a serious guy.

My father was Donald Trump, and my mother was Hillary Clinton, and my grandmother was Nancy Pelosi. And I was - I wanna say, Mike Pence, 'cause he's the gayest one.

I'm not afraid of dying I just don't want to be there when it happens.

If I am not allowed to laugh in heaven, I don't want to go there.

It's okay for me to make jokes about disabled people and people with horrible diseases because they make me uncomfortable, and I don't want to be like them.

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being skin deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?