Quotes About Humor

I rented out everything but a few T-shirts. You can choose between orange shirts designed with either I Don't Do Costumes, Now Step Aside, You're Standing on My Invisible Dog , or If One Door Closes and Another One Opens, Start Worrying, 'Cause Your House Is Probably Haunted ." "That's it?" She pursed her lips. "There is one more..." "I'll wear it." "Only if you're absolutely sure." "I'm sure." Halloweener was the most remembered costume at the party.

If I ever have sex with someone I might be able to develop a sense of humor.

Men were good for one thing only. Killing spiders.

Many of the world's problems would be solved if people would just shut up and pass the cupcakes.

He pressed his forehead against mine, stared soulfully into my eyes, and smiled. I smiled back and was about to drag him inside my room, when his smile turned to a grin and he chuckled. Then he guffawed, and seconds later he was leaning against the wall, holding his stomach, laughing and begging for mercy. So much for the famous unruffled calm of the British secret agent.

Either that," she continued as if I hadn't said a word, "or we take advantage of the two-for-one irrigation special at the green spa. My treat!" She turned to Derek and confided, "I always say, an impacted colon is one bummed-out pooper shooter." Then she turned back to me. "Whaddaya say, hmm?

Lesbian humor isn't trying to sell anything, it doesn't have to sell out. Coming out as a lesbian onstage is still a very political act if it weren't, more women would do it.

A friend of mine said, no matter what I do I always look like an English teacher. She actually said, you still look like a Campbell's Soup kid.

I miss Cindy McCain - she seemed so life-like. I'm a moderate lesbian - I only hold a grudge for six generations. Step away from your e-vehicle. Email is a depressant. The patriarchy is so Dada. We've got homomentum! America was built by affirmative action - for white men. If they want gay people to stop having sex, let them get married. I'm on a single prayer health plan: please god, don't let me get sick. Taser them with love.

He was quiet, yet fiercely devoted to his job. He hid a delightful sense of humor beneath a calm exterior. He approached life with a cool demeanor, but set her on fire with his passionate kisses. Tom Cameron was a study in contrasts, and there was nothing Jessica wanted more than to continue studying him.

Getting a six-foot dead man into his SUV wasn't easy for a small woman in stilettos and a pencil skirt. He flopped like a dead fish and seemed to have more limbs than an octopus.

Humour is our 'default mode', if you like: we do not have to switch it on deliberately, and we cannot switch it off.

Even the English, who understand it, are not exactly riotously amused by the understatement. At best, a well-timed, well-turned understatement only raises a slight smirk.

The reasons for our prolific understating are not hard to discover: our strict prohibitions on earnestness, gushing, emoting and boasting require almost constant use of understatement.

I mentioned earlier that someone once said that the English have satire instead of revolutions (or something to that effect): we complain bitterly, and often wittily, but we do not actually do anything about it.

Manche von seinen Witzen sind schon ein bißchen heftig, aber schließlich ist er tot.Da würde wohl jeder einen schwarzen Humor entwickeln.

I talked to ex-wives of musicians of the '70s for research. They're the funniest people in the world, yet there is this sad, beautiful thing in their eyes that says they've seen more than they could ever possibly tell you.

If your hogs have warts, call us. Hogwarts Wart Removal. 555-HOGWARTS

And what is it that you get from women?' asking me what I never asked myself. 'I don't know. Is it energy, support, tenderness? The wonder of rapport, a life experience close enough so you know the same jokes. Did your mother always warn you to wear clean underwear, just in case you had an accident?

Does your hip hurt much?" "Only when I laugh or fart

I don't need someone with a hot body. He can be fat or overweight and have a belly. It's very much about style and substance and humor, interest, curiosity and really being smart.

I hope they don't plan to sic the pug police on me," I said, smiling.

The most effective birth control I know is a toddler with the croup and diaper rash.

'Married with Children' was racy. It was sexist. It was a lot of things, but mostly it was funny.