Quotes About Humor

Actually, there is no way of making vomiting courteous. You have to do the next best thing, which is to vomit in such a way that the story you tell about it later will be amusing.

Most of my friends seem to be either dead, extremely deaf or living on the wrong side of Kent.

We are each the star of our own situation comedy, and, with luck, the screwball friend in somebody else's.

I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.

I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.

Some people are only funny when they try to be serious.

My principle activity is to tease those who take themselves and the quality of their knowledge too seriously.

There are some people who, if they don't already know, you can't tell them. As the great philosopher of uncertainty Yogi berra once said, Don't waste your time trying to fight forecasters, stock analysts, economists and social scientists, except to play pranks on them.

My motto is "my principal activity is to tease those who take themselves and the quality of their knowledge too seriously.

except to make fun of them or provide a historical reference.

Yo entraba en el comedor aún con mala cara por el jersey de Neuberg, y mi madre, al verme entrar sombría y enfadada, decía: «¡Aquí está María Temporal!».

Nuevo astro que surge», decía mi padre cada vez que nombrábamos a la señora Ghiran. «Nuevo astro que surge» o sólo «nuevo astro» era siempre su ironía cada vez que nosotros nos entusiasmábamos con alguien.

That doesn't sound like civil war to me, said Gaylen, turning back to his book with a smile. It only sounds silly. Of course it's silly, said the Prime Minister impatiently. But a lot of serious things start silly.

Well, you're not [fat]. You have, like, the ideal balance of fat and muscle. ...If I were a cannibal, I'd eat you.

The sun is a joke.

Honesty and wisdom are such a delightful pastime, at another person's expense!

Externally, the jollity of aged men has much in common with the mirth of children; the intellect, any more than a deep sense of humor, has little to do with the matter; it is, with both, a gleam that plays upon the surface, and imparts a sunny and cheery aspect alike to the green branch, and gray, mouldering trunk.

Melissa laughed and said that our dog was homeschooled

They signed the unwind order just to spite each other,but laugh,laugh,laugh,Hayden, because if you ever stop laughing,it might just tear you apart worse than a Chop Shop.

And, added Mikey. she's my sister. The others looked at him for a moment, and broke out laughing. Yeah, yeah, Squirrel scoffed, and the McGill is my cousin. Now Allie burst out laughing, which made Mikey more annoyed. If the McGill was your cousin, Mikey said, I can guarantee he'd disown you.

You're going to pee in someone's suitcase? Do you have any other ideas? And suddenly Miracolina begins to snicker, then giggle, then giggle, then cackle uncontrollably. He's going to pee in someone's suitcase! Quiet! Do you want people on the bus to hear you? But Miracolina is beyond help. She's entered into a fullfledged laughter fit-the kind that leaves your stomach hurting. They're gonna open their suitcase, she blurts between bursts of glee, And their clothes'll be full of pee!

We weren't going anywhere, Nick said with a smile. He was trying to sound charming, but instead wound up sounding heavily sedated.

Connor tries to hold her arm to give her support, but she shakes him off and throws him a nasty gaze. If I want your help, I'll ask. Do I look feeble to you? Actually, yes. Looks are deceiving. she says. After all, when I saw you, I thought you looked reasonably intelligent. Very funny.

Whoever invented the spork should be killed.