Quotes About Humor

They fell asleep smiling. It is to erase the fixed smiles of sleeping couples that Satan trained roosters to crow at five in the morning.

Self-esteem is for sissies. Accept that you're a pimple and try to keep a lively sense of humor about it. That way lies grace - and maybe even glory.

All depression has its roots in self-pity, and all self-pity is rooted in people taking themselves too seriously.

You know what the game of golf is, don't you? It's basketball for people who can't jump and chess for people who can't think.

Hi. Honey! exclaimed Patsy. Good to hear your voice! Listen, I oughtta go pull my robe on 'fore we commence. You caught me nekkid as a jaybird. 'Nekkid' or 'naked,' mama? What's the blessed difference? Are you making Yankee fun of the way I talk? The way you used to talk? No, no, mama, let me tell you. Naked means you just don't have any clothes on. Nekkid means you don't have any clothes on and you're fixing to get into trouble.

Mystery is the face everybody shared before they were born and the joke they'll finally get after they're dead.

Kudra was amused by Alobar's tentative polka until her eyes fell upon the tumescent protrusion dancing with him. Disgusting she thought. An erection is just inappropriate. Then she realized with a shock that she was so wet that children could have sailed toy boats in her underpants.

Not surprisingly, the socks remain silent, as was their legal right.

It had been reported that Tanuki fell from the sky using his scrotum as a parachute.

He was as nervous as a praying mantis at an atheists' picnic...

In the end, perhaps we should simply imagine joke; a long joke that's being continually retold in an accent too thick and too strange to ever be completely understood. Life is that joke, my friends. The soul is the punch line.

People tend to take everything too seriously. Especially themselves.

The problem starts at the secondary level, not with the originator or developer of the idea but with the people who are attracted to it, who adopt it, who cling to it until their last nail breaks, and who invariably lack the overview, flexibility, imagination, and, most importantly, sense of humor, to maintain it in the spirit in which it was hatched. Ideas are made by masters, dogma by disciples, and the Buddha is always killed on the road.

In a voice that sounds the way a can of cheap dog food would sound if a can of cheap dog food could speak, he tells you you are looking well.

Yedi cücelerin tek t?raÅŸ olan? Ahmak't?. Bu bize, t?raÅŸ olmaktaki bilgelik hakk?nda bir fikir verebilir

The clown is a creature of chaos.

The ones who're so upset about everybody not being the same, about competition, about standards of quality, about art objects having 'auras' around them, they're usually people with average abilities and average minds. And below average senses of humor.

Max's heart made a sound like the sleigh bells on Mrs. Santa Claus's dildo.

If he weren't a stick his own self, I'd say he had a stick up his butt.

There have been cans of dog food more splendiferous than South Richmond. Land mines more tender.

Once, Princess Leigh-Cheri used a papal candlestick for the purpose of self-gratification. She had hoped that at the appropriate moment she might be visited by either the Lamb or the Beast, be, as usual, only Ralph Nader attended her.

Of course, there are white beets, beets that ooze sugar water instead of blood, but it is the red beet with which we are concerned; the variety that blushes and swells like a hemorrhoid, a hemorrhoid for which there is no cure. (Actually, there is one remedy: commission a potter to make you a ceramic asshole—and when you aren't sitting on it, you can use it as a bowl for borscht.)

It was laughter that might have been squeezed from the tubes of his own darkest heart, then amplified fifty times through the bellows of a loon's ass.

I tell you, that switch from B.C. to A.D. must have driven people nuts. I bet more than a few Israelites missed their dental appointments.