Quotes About Humor

U.N.? As in United Nations?" "No, U.N. as in Unidentified Numbskulls.

At least I'm not asking you to go to six o'clock Mass with me in the morning." "Darling Eve, to get me to do that the amount and variety of the sexual favors required are so many and myriad even my imagination boggles." "I don't think you can exchange sexual favors for Mass attendance. But if I decide to go check it out, and I get the chance, I'll ask the priest.

Eyes on hers, he flicked her shoulder. Her mouth fell open. She started stomping the floor. What in God's name are you doing? he demanded. Trying to kill the giant tarantula, because the only reason I can figure you just fucking flicked me is because there was a big, fat spider on my shoulder.

Cut it out." She gave Peabody a shove. "You're making my eye twitch." "We're just sitting here." "I know sex giggles when I hear them." "I wasn't giggling." "Not you. Him." McNab just grinned at her. "Those were manly chuckles." "You're cops. Be cops.

You look like a really well-dressed pirate carting around an ugly treasure chest.

Do I get a bonus for letting him grab my boob?" "Your boob, like the rest of you, belongs to the NYPSD. Besides, McNab's going to ride you like a racehorse first chance. That's your bonus." "You brought up sex and McNab!" "This once, also your bonus." "I've got this outfit at home Dolly would wear. I'm going to put it on tonight and—" "You didn't earn that big a bonus.

Chip Robbins, how many times have I told you not to yell out for me unless you're being stabbed with a pitchfork?

I speak sarcasm fluently.

Fuck me sideways." "Thanks, but you're just not my type." "You're sure." "I'm sure men are my type, but if I went for women, I'd do you.

I married a bright, beaming ray of sunshine. And one who's often armed.

Don't ask. We're all but done for in any case, taking that Fiona couldn't hit a cow's arse with a banjo, and Paddy and Maureen both cheat like tinkers at a fair. What are you talking about? Why would anybody hit a cow with a banjo? He only smiled. The point is, Fiona couldn't so we'll be done soon enough.

The goodie drawer of all goodie drawers. This dildo not only throbs, vibrates, expands, and comes equipped with hands-free feature, it sings a choice of five popular tunes." He crouched beside her. "You couldn't have tried it out that quickly." "Pervert. I turned it on to see. He's got some illegals sprinkled through here, too.

If being a f*ckhead was a crime, I'd have to lock up half of New York. And occasionally arrest myself.

What are you smiling at?" she snapped at Roarke. "I'm a man, and I'm sitting here having coffee and cookies while two beautiful women snarl at each other. Being a man I'm required to wonder—perhaps imagine—whether there will soon be physical contact. Clothing may be ripped away. Why wouldn't I smile?

We'll take the laundry in for anal.

Mira got to her feet. "People who expect perfection in a mate miss a lot of fun—and sweetness.

Give her a cooey-dooey—" "Mavis!" "What?" "Mavis, I'm saying this for your own good. You have to stop the insanity. You sound like a moron." "I know." Mavis's eyes, currently purple, rolled. "I can hear myself, but I can't stop. It's like a drug. So

demonstrate she attempted to slam her fist on her knee, missed and caught the medic in the crotch.

Creepy. If I ever did that, popped a kid out—which I think is probably as pleasant a process as having your eyeballs pierced by burning, poisonous sticks, I'd say, 'Whoopee, let's do this again?' Have you recently suffered head trauma?" "Not to my knowledge." "Could be coming. Any second.

Brian choked on his whiskey, thumped his chest to help the air into his lungs. His eyes watered. "A cop? You married a bloody cop?" "I married a bloody criminal," Eve muttered, "but nobody ever thinks of that." "I do, darling." Amused, Roarke kissed her hand. "Constantly.

Everyone likes everybody and Pettibone is the original nice guy." "Wife's a dink," Peabody offered. "The dink was still smart enough to hook a rich husband.

Comes off like she's got the mental capacity of broccoli

Not even a stray bagel.

McNab pranced in on plaid airboots