Quotes About Humor

No one but John Oliver is going to be able to figure out the code of making a 20-minute monologue on futures, securities, and currency speculation interesting, funny, and poignant politically.

I end every speech the night before a game with, 'Now, let's go get a snack.'

I will be brief. Not nearly so brief as Salvador Dali, who gave the world's shortest speech. He said I will be so brief I have already finished, and he sat down.

I have a doctorate in fine arts from Knox College in Illinois. All I did was give a speech, and now everybody has to call me Dr. Colbert.

Laughter is, after speech, the chief thing that holds society together.

The first things I remember drawing were battles - big sheets of paper covered in terrible scenes of carnage - though when you looked closely, there were little jokes and speech bubbles and odd things going on in the background.

You're going to get flak if you tell the wrong joke, but it's still the wrong joke. Give the wrong speech, you take it on the chin.

Hey, I'm not a politician. I'm a ham. I love to give speeches.

I've been a comedian, hosted travel shows, explored world religions, started improv troupes, given keynote speeches at conferences around the country, and had a milk shake named after me called the Handicappuccino.

You spell Bob Hope C-L-A-S-S.

My only mission is to look for fun, the lighter side of life. I spell it fool-osophy.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

When every high school graduate can spell the word, 'inauguration,' let's put lampshades on our heads and listen to his speeches until Obama's voice gives out.

When I started doing stand-up again, a lot of it was coming from an angrier place, and I quickly learned that doesn't spell a good time in a comedy club.

I never thought I'd write one book, let alone three. I'm absolutely delighted and every night, thank the good lord for spell check.

Short of spending $10,000, there is nothing you can do to your head to hide the fact that you're going bald.

You hear a lot of rap songs about spending money. I thought, wouldn't it be funny to make a song about saving money because it's ironic, but beyond irony, I genuinely have pride in saving money.

I am happy that people are spending time on creating jokes on me.

If I had all the money I'd spent on drink, I'd spend it on drink.

My reputation as a ladies' man was a joke. It caused me to laugh bitterly through the 10,000 nights I spent alone.

I think, for me, humour needs to be used like a strong spice - sparingly.

Someone at school said I dance like a spider, and I've never got beyond that. It's always been a running joke in my friendship groups.

Seth Meyers and I wrote a 'Spider-Man' comic.

I want to be taken seriously as the type of musician that plays stuff like an electric rake. I mean, how seriously do you take someone like Spike Jones? They take him pretty seriously - a really good musician who made a great contribution in terms of humor, which is part of what I try to do too.