Quotes About Humor

I can still do the splits on cars, but... nothing else!

We're not splitting atoms here; we're trying to entertain people.

I've grown up around some incredibly funny people, which has been a blessing and curse because now I've been completely spoiled in terms of what I find funny.

I'm spoiled rotten, as my children would tell you.

But I'm kind of spoilt when it comes to comedy. I was on 'Friends', which was one of the funniest things on television.

'The Muppet Show' spoke to me at 5, and it speaks to me in my late 30s in the same way.

I want to make sure that people know that I can only be myself - I can't be a spokesperson for people with disabilities, because everybody has a completely different experience. I'm glad that I'm able to inspire parents to see one way to deal with it, but at the same time, I tell a lot of dirty jokes.

I set out to be a comedian, and then the spokesperson thing is kind of just something that came along with it.

I have never believed much in luck, and my sense of humor has tended to walk on the dark side.

The fellow who laughs last may laugh best, but he gets the reputation of being very slow-witted.

For a comedian to kind of catch onto something right as something's catching on in our culture, a lot of it is luck, and you hope the joke is funny.

I suspect there really was more to my accident than bad luck. I think it was God's way of punishing my nose.

See Scott run, Run Scott run. See Scott die, No such luck.

When we got married, we agreed on a boy for me, and a girl for you. Mine's upstairs sleeping. Good luck with yours!

I want to see your tailpipe fading off into the sunset." Good luck, I thought. My tailpipe was somewhere on Route 1, along with my muffler.

Here's where I luck out: I'm really computer illiterate.

Luck is my middle name, " said Rincewind, indistinctly. "Mind you, my first name is Bad.

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

I always said marriage should be a fifty-fifty proposition. He should be at least fifty years old, and have at least fifty-million dollars.

How many husbands have I had? You mean apart from my own?

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him.

Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

As for his secret to staying married: "My wife tells me that if I ever decide to leave, she is coming with me."