Quotes About Humor

Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'

I am a very committed wife. And I should be committed too - for being married so many times.

A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.

My wife gives good headache.

You kissed me like that when I was a blushing bride ...? I wonder what I was blushing about?

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce

The secret to a happy marriage is a sense of humor, because marriage throws you curveballs. It is not easy.

(When asked who wore the pants in his house:) I do, and I also wash and iron them.

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.

Bad divorce?" Hardy asked, his gaze falling to my hands. I realized I was clutching my purse in a death grip. "No, the divorce was great," I said. "It was the marriage that sucked.

according to the old joke, married people are often like little boys bathing, who cry with chattering teeth to the boys on the shore, 'Do come in, it's so warm' - it is not always warm.

Getting married is like trading in the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.

We never get sick of each other. That's how sick we are.

Marriage is grand. Divorce is about twenty grand.

The friendship that we established early on in our marriage ... that carries you through tough times. That and a good sense of humor.

I am thinking of taking a fifth wife. Why not? Solomon had a thousand wives and he is a synonym for wisdom.

What makes people laugh? . . . It's a happy marriage between a person who needs to laugh and someone who's got one to give.

Marriage! ... Why, it is like living in a thimble with a hippopotamus!

Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.

Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.

Garth, marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries!

My wife disagrees with 100 percent of what I say. That's the same marriage I have.