Quotes About Humor

My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you - I hope she meets somebody nice.

He was doubtless an understanding Fellow that said, there was no happy Marriage but betwixt a blind Wife and a deaf Husband.

Marriage is rather a silly habit.

Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!

Thou art sad; get thee a wife, get thee a wife!

Hillary Clinton has finished writing her book where she says her marriage couldn't be stronger, and Bill just finished his book titled 'Chicks I Nailed While Hillary was Writing Her Book.'

Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?

Well, no, not married as such, but yes, there is a specific girl that I'm not married to.

You know you've reached the end of a relationship: when your lover now demands that your jokes be funny before they laugh.

When you see a married couple coming down the street the one who is two or three steps ahead is the one who's mad.

When I married Mr. Right I didn't know his first name was Always.

Definition of a bachelor: A man who likes to invite girls over for a Scotch and sofa.

No woman ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.

The last word in an argument is what a wife has. Anything a husband says after that is the beginning of another argument.

No man is boss in his own home but he can make up for it by making a dog play dead.

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is at all times? A widow.

My wife and I just celebrated our twelfth anniversary. I'm Catholic so there's no real possibility of divorce. I'm Irish - so there is the possibility of murder.

Arguing with my wife is like this: "I came! I saw! I concurred!"

Our marriage is based on compromise-he admits he's wrong and I forgive him.

My wife and I have many arguments but she only wins half of them. My mother-in-law wins the other half.

They were married for better or worse. He couldn't have done better and she couldn't have done worse.

You can easily tell he's a newlywed because he's still smiling at his mother-in-law.

This is a perfect pair - he's a hypochondriac and she's a pill.

You may marry the man of your dreams ladies but fourteen years later you're married to a couch that burps.