Quotes About Humor

I'm quite obviously not the world's most handsome man - I'm the second world's most handsome man!

Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and not a lady. I'm on a horse.

Men who think deeply appear to be comedians in their dealings with others because they always have to feign superficiality in order to be understood.

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

To create man was a quaint and original idea, but to add the sheep was tautology.

It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

To be a colored man in America ... and enjoy it, you must be greatly daring, greatly stolid, greatly humorous and greatly sensitive. And at all times a philosopher.

Men look like pandas when they try and put make-up on.

A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, "Man, I wish I had your willpower.

I get a lot of cracks about my hair, mostly from men who don't have any.

I'm not a naturally funny man. I find that I can only be funny, if I become someone else.

I like smart, funny, self-deprecating men.

A man's main job is to protect his woman from her desire to 'get bangs' every other month.

I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!

A man who takes himself too seriously will find that no one else takes him seriously.

The man of understanding finds everything laughable.

No man can be a genius in slapshoes and a flat hat.

Then he laughed and she laughed. And quivering with the movement of the train, the dead man seemed to laugh too.

I'm the product of 6 million years of evolution? Come on, man. I crawled out of a swamp yesterday.

I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?

If I were a man with gills, I would be a fish!

There are three signs of senility. The first sign is that a man forgets his theorems. The second sign is that he forgets to zip up. The third sign is that he forgets to zip down.

My handicap? Man, I am a one-eyed, black Jew! That's my handicap!