Quotes About Humor

At the risk bragging, one of the things I'm best at is riding coattails. Behind every successful man is me, smiling and taking partial credit.

She loved three things — a joke, a glass of wine, and a handsome man.

You don't have a man, you need spaghetti.

I've fallen in love with my horse. It's a safer bet. We all know from my illustrious past that I should be sticking to men with four legs.

There was an Old Man of Messina, Whose daughter was named Opsibeena; She wore a small wig, and rode out on a pig, To the perfect delight of Messina.

Man is distinguished from all other creatures by the faculty of laughter.

Men who would letterspace lower case would shag sheep.

A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? "I was ironing, and the phone rang!" "What about the other ear?" "Had to call the doctor!"

As a wise man once said, "April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people's heads."

Man is the only animal that can be skinned more than once.

Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.

If man had more of a sense of humor, things might have turned out differently.

What smells so? Has somebody been burning a Rag, or is there a Dead Mule in the Back yard? No, the Man is Smoking a Five-Cent Cigar.

Christianity is the best way to cure gayness — just get on your knees, take a swig of wine, and accept the body of a man into your mouth.

Something about New York, man: You can do more comedy there probably than you can anywhere in the world. If you're interested in being funny, New York is the place to go.

You can manicure a cat but can you caticure a man?

Some men are alive simply because it is against the law to kill them.

God was feeling sardonic the day He created the Universe. So it's rather up to at least one man every few centuries to pop up and come just as close to making him swallow his laughter as possible.

Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it.

If God had meant men to have children, he would have given them a PVC apron.

Hearing that the same men who brought us 'South Park' were mounting a musical to be called 'The Book of Mormon,' we were tempted to turn away, as from an inevitable massacre.

You see, dear, it is not true that woman was made from man's rib; she was made from his funny bone.

I'm a straight lady, the best in Hollywood. There is an art to playing the straight role. You must build up your man, but never top him, never steal the laughs.

They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.