Quotes About Humor

Apparently the part of the brain that identified things as funny kept running as a background process even when its contributions were useless.

So, you're worried that a pink dragon will fly over the concent and fart nerve gas on us?

There are always fuckups, and there is always a goat. Sometimes the goat is you.

The Police Minister's toilet chided him

Reptiles are just retarded birds," said the King of the Birds, "and so I am your King, thank you very much.

What is your name?" Ariane asked him. The kid put up his deflector screens and said, "Einstein." Silence then. When no one laughed, he stood straighter and drifted closer.

I was going to kill that doctor when he shoved his finger up my ass but then I realized the possibilities of that substance.

So far I have felt like a very inept slapstick performer." "Inept slapstick? Isn't that a bit redundant?

She just looked at him over the rotating pencil like, how slow can a mammal be and still have respiratory functions? But instead of lowering the boom on him, she just gave a simple answer: "No.

The entire country of Finland (to hear Otto tell it) has been plunged into an endless night of existential despair and suicidal depression. The usual antidotes have been exhausted: self-flagellation with steeped birch twigs, mordant humor, week-long drinking bouts. The only thing to save Finland now is coffee.

You need to tend to your own faults, young fellow—excessive sobriety, e.g…" "A tendency to fret—" Pepys put in. "Undue chastity—let's back to the tavern!

Stand-up peeing in a long flowing garment could lead to various mishaps.

What do you think of her?" Csongor asked. "Is she your girlfriend?" "For a while I was thinking maybe," Marlon admitted, "but then I decided she was my sister." "Huh." "China is funny. One child per family, you know. We are all looking for siblings.

D-d-d-dollars." "That's a silly name for money, Jack—no one'll ever take you seriously, talking that way.

parents of small children must perforce have an entirely different sense of irony than unimpaired humankind.

he's surprised your tits come wi' a head attached

Sometimes there was no gap between joke and real.

I wanted to shout: one Far Side on the door does not an interesting person make.

Empty boxes, old newspapers, a milk jug, and a wine bottle." "You're identifying the contents of the garbage bag?" "No dead cats. Or live ones." "Maybe it's a Schrödinger's Hefty bag." I

Wiener dog underwent explosive decompression, scared a baby.

That's worst than gonerreha, man!

But most of all I feel my brain, up there taking in blood and looking out on the world and noticing humor and light and smells and dogs and every other thing in the world—everything in my life is all in my brain, really, so it would be natural that when my brain was screwed up, everything in my life would be.

Rudy is a mutt; my father says he's a cross between a chihuahua and a German shepherd, which must've been some wild dog sex.

Someday someone is going to find this pelvis sexy or I'll never have children.