Quotes About Humor

You knew what his opinion of you was, while he -- Well, 'twas ever thus. We know, always have. They don't. Not quite. It has, you will admit, its humorous side, and sometimes, its conveniences.

I couldn't buy the lice off a sick cat, the cabbie answered from the very depths of self-deprecation.

No, you're not getting it. You see… never mind. Listen, I want you to get a headache at nine-forty-five." "You're giving me a headache now." She added, "And why do I always have to get a headache? People are beginning to think I have a terminal disease. Why don't you say your hemorrhoids are acting up at nine-forty-five?

talented wisecracker.…

The way to a woman's heart is through her funny bone. Women like men who make them laugh. I think.

I'm a good Methodist and a bitch. But only once a month.

had to tell Jimmy to lighten up

Cops say that FBI means "fabulously boring individuals

She laughed again. "You're terrible. What are you going to complain about in the States?" "The quality of winter strawberries." Hollis glanced at his watch.

This guy I know went into a sex shop and asked the proprietor for a blow-up sex doll." "Is this a joke?" "So the proprietor asks, 'You want a Christian doll, a Jewish doll, or a Muslim doll?' And the guy says, 'What difference does it make?' And the proprietor says, 'Well, the Muslim dolls blow themselves up.

They should have a slot game called Sucker. You get a row of five suckers and the machine kicks you in the nuts and swallows all the coins in your tray.

Do you know why sharks don't eat lawyers? Professional courtesy.

The Irish are beautiful bullshitters. I mean, you know they're lying, they know you know they're lying, but they do it with so much charm, conviction, and energy that everyone feels kind of good about it.

the guy from the Midwest goes up to a New Yorker on the street and says, "Excuse me, sir, can you tell me how to get to the Empire State Building, or should I just go fuck myself?

people firing rifles with live ammunition at me. Do you know what I did? I laughed. It was too ludicrous.

Me, Mia. Mama mia, Mia. Otis is rigor mortis.

What are you thinking about?" "This guy I know went into a sex shop and asked the proprietor for a blow-up sex doll." "Is this a joke?" "So the proprietor asks, 'You want a Christian doll, a Jewish doll, or a Muslim doll?' And the guy says, 'What difference does it make?' And the proprietor says, 'Well, the Muslim dolls blow themselves up.

So, this guy walks into the bar and says to the bartender, 'You know, all lawyers are assholes.' And a guy at the end of the bar says, 'Hey, I heard that. I resent that.' And the first guy says, 'Why? Are you a lawyer?' And the other guy says, 'No, I'm an asshole.

Do you know why Italians don't like Jehovah's Witnesses?" "No… why?" "Italians don't like any witnesses.

She told me, 'I said for better or worse, Dick, but I never said for lunch.

Well, ain't you the clam's cuticle!" said Mr. Ogden.

an Empire-less Britain would be just a 'cold and unimportant little island where we should all have to work very hard and live mainly on herring and potatoes'.

I'd love to, she finally said,on one condition. I steadied myself, hoping it wasn't something too awful. Yes? You have to promise that you won't fall in love with me. I knew she was kidding me by the way she laughed, and I couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief. Sometimes, I had to admit, Jamie had a pretty good sense of humor. I smiled and gave her my word.

She was everything I wanted. She was beautiful and charming, with a quick sense of humor, and she supported me in everything I did.