Quotes About Humor

A man who correctly guesses a woman's age may be smart, but he's not very bright.

The bigger a man's gun the smaller his doodlewick.

Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office". Doctor: "Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in."

Behind every great man is a woman. Telling him he's not so hot.

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"

A thing derided is a thing dead; a laughing man is stronger than a suffering man.

I am a conscientious man, when I throw rocks at seabirds I leave no tern unstoned.

A man goes to the doctor for a check, and the doctor exams him and says I've got bad news, you've got cancer and alzheimers. The man goes Thank god I don't have cancer.

I like a man who's good, but not too good - for the good die young, and I hate a dead one.

I'd rather be hit by a gorgeous man than an ugly one.

I'm a perfect example of the grumpy, old man. I'm really good at it.

A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.

Ladies & Gentelman, the man who tought William Kennedy Smith everything he knows about dating, Sweet Stan Lane!

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

You've been checking me out, haven't you? In between your flaming insults? I feel like man candy.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

I want to meet the man who saw a turtle and said, "People will LOVE the ninja version of that."

One thing you never hear is "Man that guy is good at badminton".

A Polish man in a helicopter. Goes up to 800 feet. Down it comes! What happened? "It got chilly up there, so I turned off the fan!"

What do you tell a man with two black eyes? Nothing, he's already been told twice.

Mistress: Something between a mister and a mattress.

It's true that all men are pigs. The trick is to tame one who knows how to find truffles.