Quotes About Humor

Like many men of deep humor, he made the error of believing that every man was also endowed with it. So, when he sometimes ventured a wry or jocular remark to some acquaintance, to lift the sombreness of these days, the remark was repeated eagerly as an evidence of his hard-heartedness or frivolity or even foolishness.

Life is a comedy for the man who thinks, a tragedy for the man who feels.

I rode an elevator with a guy who was whistling the tune of 'this is the song that never ends'. Putting that on me? Come on dude...

I just drove past Brad Paisley jogging down the side of the road. I rolled down the window and screamed RUN FORREST RUN. I live for.. little moments..like that.

There's a joke that I once heard a comedienne tell. It goes like this: "I'm not sure if I'm ready to have children. I asked a friend of mine who has children, 'Suppose I do have kids. What if when they grow up, they blame me for everything that's wrong with their lives?' She laughed and said, 'What do you mean, if?'

The years she spent raising Jax didn't just make him fun to talk to, didn't just provide him with hobbies and a sense of humor. They were what gave him all the attributes Exponential is looking for: fluency at navigating the real world, creativity at solving new problems, judgment you could entrust with an important decision. Every quality that made a person more valuable than a database was a product of experience

There's a joke that I once heard a comedienne tell. It goes like this: "I'm not sure if I'm ready to have children. I asked a friend of mine who has children, 'Suppose I do have kids. What if when they grow up, they blame me for everything that's wrong with their lives?' She laughed and said, 'What do you mean, if?' " That's my favorite joke.

I like the Indian casino names - Pechangas - Morongos. They all sound like women's breasts.

Vegetarians are cool. All I eat are vegetarians--except for the occasional mountain lion steak.

If guns cause crime, all of mine are defective.

Conservative humor is frankly harder than liberal humor. You get points for just being liberal. You can get more points if you make fun of your own side sometimes.

Pour water on a sportswriter -- instant horseshit.

I think I'm too cynical for L.A. My sense of humor doesn't go down well here, which probably affects my love life. I need to have a laugh track following me around so people know I'm trying to be funny.

I used to be on a live show with Caroline Flack, and I think I only got on that because I was a comic in Spain and ended up getting on well with her.

If you come to any of my live shows, you'll see, it's very frenetic. I have the attention span of a gnat.

I make the best Spanish omelettes in the world, but I won't tell you the recipe!

I parle Francais like a Spanish cow.

You never know what little idea or joke, what flame flickering really quickly, will become a song. That first idea, it can come any time. If it's in Spanish, you go on in Spanish. If it's in French, French. If it's in English, English. Or Portuguese. I'll try to do my best. I like Italian, though I don't speak it much.

Captain Jack Sparrow is like a cross between Keith Richards and Pepe Le Pew.

If you think before you speak the other guy gets his joke in first.

There is also this benefit in brag, that the speaker is unconsciously expressing his own ideal. Humor him by all means, draw it all out, and hold him to it.

I do a lot of public speaking and presentations and I'll always start with a self-deprecating joke to make everybody feel comfortable with my size because there can be hang-ups and anxieties.

I came in here and a fella asked me to have a drink. I said I don't drink. Then another fella said hear you and Joe DiMaggio aren't speaking and I said I'll take that drink.

I remember nearly having a fit of the giggles during the reading because dear Daniel was SO respectful and serious and I was finding the whole situation funny because I was speaking to his profile.