Quotes About Humor

I'm not sarcastic. I'm just intelligent beyond your understanding.

During sex it's perfectly fine to say "YEAH", "YES", and "OH YES", but how awkward would it be if someone kept screaming "YEP"?

If I won the award for laziness, I'd send somebody to pick it up for me.

Sarcasm. Because beating the crap out of people is illegal.

I'm allergic to stupidity. I break out in sarcasm.

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

If life gives you lemons, a simple operation can give you melons.

People say I'm condescending. That means I talk down to people.

The man is moody as hell." I am not moody—" Yeah, bro." Kenji puts his utensils down. You are moody. It's always 'Shut up, Kenji.' 'Go to sleep, Kenji.' 'No one wants to see you naked, Kenji.' When I know for a fact that there are thousands of people who would love to see me naked—

Humor is a reminder that no matter how high the throne one sits on, one sits on one's bottom.

They used to photograph Shirley Temple through gauze. They should photograph me through linoleum.

All my life, I've been terrible at remembering people's names. I once introduced a friend of mine as Martini. Her name was actually Olive.

(On seeing a former lover for the first time in years) I thought I told you to wait in the car.

Cocaine habit forming? Of course not. I ought to know, I've been using it for years.

I'm as pure as the driven slush.

Cocaine isn't habit forming. I should know, I've been using it for years

I'd like to kiss you, Darling, but I just washed my hair.

Jeg tror jammen at du endelig har beseiret meg, svarte han med et humoristisk glimt i øyet.

Tør jeg spørre hva som er så morsomt? spurte Alicia forsonlig, raseriet hadde tydeligvis kjølnet. Har du sett deg selv i det siste - eller tror du det bare er meg som ser ut som om jeg er dratt baklengs gjennom en hekk?

Malory! You've got a chipmunk on your pussy!

Man, y'all make the Addams family look like Ozzie and Harriet."(Annie)

Every now and then I like to do as I'm told, just to confuse people.

Every now and then I like to do as I'm told, just to confuse people.

A good friend will help you up when you fall. A best friend will laugh and try to trip you again. - I'm not sure