Quotes About Humor

It's kinda hard to get yourself into a good three-toweler when you got the dick of death.

Why are you lying on the floor?" "Solidarity. And we ran out of cognac. This is my preferred out of cognac posture.

He was a LEPER, you idiot! Not a leopard.

Oh, and a huge Federal Building that looked like it was being molested by a giant steel pterodactyl, but evidently that was just the government trying to get away from their standard bomb shelter architecture to something more aesthetically appealing, especially if you liked Godzilla porn.

Amy called the whale punkin.

He had tapped into the Zen of ignorance, the enlightenment of absurdity.

Maybe life is just easier if you're a little goofy...

I like big butts," Renoir explained to Toulouse-Lautrec.

Getting a rise out of him was like trying to give a handjob to a parking meter: you were going to end up frustrated and exhausted long before a cop came along to haul you away.

Why is it that one can busta rhyme or busta move anywhere but you must busta cap in someone's ass? Is ho always feminine and muthafucka always masculine, while bitch can be either? How many peeps in a posse, how much booty before baby got back, do you have to be all that to get all up in that, and do I need to be dope and phat to be da bomb or can I just be stupid?

Joshua grinned: "I think we'll both do better than my cousin John and his 'hold them underwater until they agree with you' sermon.

The City of San Francisco is being stalked by a huge, shaved vampyre cat named Chet, and only I, Abby Normal, emergency backup mistress of the Greater Bay Area night, and my manga-haired love monkey, Foo Dog, stand between the ravenous monster and a bloody massacre of the general public. Which isn't, like, as bad as it sounds, because the general public kind of sucks ass.

Snake eyes! the croupier said.          Lizard dick! Coyote shouted back. This sent me to convulsions.

Raziel! Go forth into the land and lay waste unto two good-size Wal-Marts, slay until blood doth flow from all bargains and all the buildings are but rubble — and pick up a few Snickers bars for yourself.

The entire town of Monte Rio consisted of a gas station and a tire-flattened raccoon.

My kingdom for a razor-blade cowcatcher and Cuisinart wheel covers to cut my path through this herd of ignorant peasant meat, she thought. Then: Whoa, I guess I really do need the meds.

Let's high stick that moose in the fun bags.

I'm not scared, Daddy. I just need some crunchy Cheese Newts up in this bitch.

IKEA," chanted the dead. "First we feast, then IKEA. First we feast, then IKEA.

Molly stood over the stove, naked, except for a wide sash from which was slung the scabbard for her broadsword at the center of her back, giving the impression that she had won honors in the Miss Nude Random Violence Pageant. Her

I'm poor and my cat is huge.

Cry havoc, and let slip the trousers of most outrageous bonkilation!

he shrieked and made as if to fling poo at the giant, but it had been eight days since any of us had eaten and he could birth no bum-babies for the flinging.

He reasoned: A well-formed bottom hanging in space is just a well-formed bottom, but you hook up a well-formed bottom to a whip-smart woman and apply a dash of the awkward and what you've got yourself is…well, trouble.)