Quotes About Humor

I hurled the slipper at him, not caring if I caused his decapitation. (I did not.)

You watch pro ball and those guys spend so much time with their hands on each other's rear ends, you'd think they were feeling for diamonds or something.

someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

Thank you to Martin Scorsese - I hope my son will marry your daughter.

To this day, I've found that it doesn't matter what a guy looks like if he's really funny. His sense of humor makes him attractive. On the other hand, you don't hear men saying, 'No she's not pretty, but is she ever funny!'

If you want to see a man come to his senses, try something like, Do you happen to carry a rubber in your wallet? Did I mention I'm not on the pill?

Love me, and I will laugh for you, and if you can make me laugh, my laughter will, quite simply, ransom the whole of the world from death.

She had a highly developed sense of humor which in some lights looked a bit like a sense of justice.

Life is beautiful and life is stupid. This is, in fact, widely regarded as a universal rule not less inviolable than the Second Law of Thermodynamics, the Uncertainty Principle, and No Post on Sundays.

I'm not afraid of you!' The wombat yelled. 'I saw you get stuck in the washing machine once. Round and round you went! Who's afraid of something that can't defeat a rinse cycle?

Don't worry, my little lump of rock. Everybody gets a chance to choose. Or else where would irony come from?

But when it finally did happen, the alien invasion turned out to be much more like Mr. Looney of the Tunes than Mr. Ridley of the Scott. Point to Nani.

One time a Fuckwit brought a snowball into work to prove that the planet getting warmer was just a story to scare little ones and I don't know for sure but I like to think he (or at least all his descendants) got eaten by sharks.

What happens to the West happens to Snow White, which is to say they both turn into jokes.

and tourists who know in their hearts that it's not wrong to get so phenomenally plastered that you punch a police horse because everyone knows horses vote Tory,

don't you dare judge me, it was four in the afternoon, and all cats know four in the afternoon is Twelfthnap, right after Teanap.

You're looking very fine tonight, Grandmother! Why, you've hardly any warts at all! Bathing in blood again, I'll warrant. Virgins or capitalists this time?

So this guy walks into a dragon's lair and he says why the long tale? HAR HAR BUDDY says the dragon FUCK YOU.

It's my own little joke, even though the punchline is sadness. I think a joke like that is a present you make to yourself, so every time you say it, even if it hurts, you get a very cohesive feeling out of it, because the past you and the present you are talking to each other, and it's nice to have friends.

Still, he's a good sort, even if he grumbles about having to wear the tiara.

So a half-breed goatsnake, a Yith, and a Ghast walk into a bar.

When I can't sleep I count the buckles on my straightjacket.

I can't decide if I want a baby. And my friends who have kids don't make very good salesmen. They're like, "Oh you learn all this great stuff, like how to survive on two hours' sleep." If I want to learn that I'll just become a political prisoner or something.

I'm not a marriage expert, quite clearly.