Quotes About Humor

Mothers send strips to daughters to make a point. Daughters smack strips down on the breakfast table to make a point. My own mom sometimes cuts a strip out and sends it to me to make sure I understand her.

The relationship between Cathy and Mom in the strip is the one relationship drawn from real life that I have proudly never even tried to disguise.

I'm lucky that my real-life Mom has both a great sense of humor about herself and an amazing ability to slip into complete denial if the subject matter gets a little too close to home.

Cathy was the first widely syndicated humor strip created by a woman. The strip was pretty revolutionary at the time not only because it starred a female, but also because it was so emotionally honest about all the conflicting feelings many women had in 1976.

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

Do you know that an Irishman always respond to a question with another?" And the Irish guy replies "Who told you that?

My mother is a typical Jewish mother. They sent her home from jury duty, she insisted she was guilty.

My grandmother's ninety. She's dating. He's ninety-three. They're very happy; they never argue. They can't hear each other.

I'm not on the pill, but I label my Tic Tacs with the days of the week. Makes me feel like I'm in a relationship.

I got a postcard from my gynecologist. It said, "Did you know it's time for your annual check-up?" No, but now my mailman does.

My parents only had one argument in forty-five years. It lasted forty-three years.

humor is godless and entirely human since humor runs counter to the sublime: instead of transcending, you are made acutely aware of the skin in which you exist.

Humor was a form of survival, since it created a necessary psychic distinction from slavery.

Henri Bergson writes that humor is godless and entirely human since humor runs counter to the sublime: instead of transcending, you are made acutely aware of the skin in which you exist.

If you were on life support, I would unplug it to charge my phone.

To my mother . . . I finally get it. This raising kids shit? Is hard. Thank you for not giving up. To my father . . . I miss you, and I hope you've found peace. And finally, to my son. You are a weird, amazing, hysterically funny, brilliant person who has flourished in spite of my awkward parenting skills. I can't wait to see where life takes you.

Australians say 'pissed off.' Pissed means drunk. Piss is alcohol. To take the piss--that means to send someone up, make fun of them.

At that moment a short, broad figure emerged from the house, looking absurdly like a giant panda dressed in a butler's black suit with a white shirt and black tie. Its round panda face had a spotlight for a nose, two eye lenses, large ears, and a speaker for a mouth.

I'm not drunk, just a little stoned.

So how was Christmas for you guys? Did you all get lots of nice black t-shirts?

See if she can stick her own straw in a Capri Sun (this should be on state testing).

What is the answer? she asked, and when no answer came she laughed and said: Then, what is the question?

Merry Christmas you assholes!

If you wish your audience to cry, you must shed tears yourself, but if you wish to make them laugh you must contrive to look as serious as a judge.