Quotes About Humor

In Arizona we salt margaritas, not sidewalks.

Sometimes life's Hell. But hey! Whatever gets the marshmallows toasty.

Homer: I downloaded an app! It's for those audio books! Sluggo: You're going to teach your ears to read?!

There's a technical term for a sunny, warm day which follows two rainy days. It's called Monday.

What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks? Fowl weather.

Badminton joke

Confucius say: "Baseball wrong — man with four balls cannot walk."

People who drink light beer don't like the taste of beer — they just like to pee a lot.

Beer lays a comforting veil of mirth between reality and me.

After a few beers, my verbs stumble and my nouns can no longer talk straight. O! yes after a few good beers nouns blunder and verbs fall flat on their faces.

"Hear! hear!" screamed the jay from a neighboring tree, where I had heard a tittering for some time, "winter has a concentrated and nutty kernel, if you know where to look for it," and then the speaker shifted to another tree farther off and reiterated his assertions, and his mate at a distance confirmed them; and now I heard a suppressed chuckle from a red squirrel that heard the last remark, but had kept silent and invisible all the while.

Romance novels: All of the passion, none of the herpes.

If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

I love you with every pizza my heart.

I never drank anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

Soon I graduated to more sophisticated forms of levity, like seeing how many crayons I could stick up my nose at one time, burping the alphabet, and playing "Onward Christian Soldiers" on my armpit (I went to parochial school).

How do I like my eggs? In a cake!

I like big bundts and I cannot lie.

I'm into fitness — fitness whole cupcake in my mouth.

I married a woman who loves to camp, and I am what you would call "indoorsy"... My wife always brings up, "Camping's a tradition in my family." Hey, it was a tradition in everyone's family 'til we came up with the house.

When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant.

Purrs-day, Feline Friday, Caturday... Dog-Tired Monday

The cat was created when the lion sneezed.