Quotes About Humor

I have transcended that phase in my intellectual growth where I discover humour in simple freakishness. What exists is real; therefore it is tragic, since wherever lives must die. Only fantasy, the vapours rising from sheer nonsense, can now excite my laughter.

The world now lacks a Sir Pom-pom, with all his funny ways! I wonder where he is now? Or is he anywhere at all? Can someone be nowhere?

Madouc took up the manure fork and raised it on high. Pymfyd dodged and threw his arm over his head. 'What are you up to?' 'Patience, Pymfyd! This tool symbolises a sword of fine steel!' Madouc touched the fork to Pymfyd's head. 'For notable valour on the field of combat, I dub you Sir Pom-pom, and by this title shall you be known henceforth. Arise, Sir Pom-pom! In my eyes, at least, you have proved your mettle!

Hear, hear.' Sister Martha hoisted her water glass. 'Let the rigid stick of self-righteousness be dislodged from her very uptight ass.' Father Ramon coughed. 'A-fucking-men,' Loup supplied helpfully.

I was not going to be killed by a gods-bedamned caterpillar

By the way, if you're ever conversing with an actual vampire, do not refer to the House of Shadows as Twilight Manor. There's a reason vampires aren't known for their senses of humour. If you accidentally do so, I'd say run, but it's probably already too late.

Hey, sister buzz-kill, she said languorously to Jen. What crawled up your ass and died? I don't know, Jen retorted. What died and crawled up your ass? There were times I regretted being an only child. This wasn't one of them.

Listen, all I ask in the next life is to come back as a beautiful broad

He squared up to me, hands on his hips. 'Who's telling me to get into bed? You can't boss me around. You're not my mum,' he shouted. He was only clowning around.

No money needed," said Billy, winking and tapping the side of his nose with his forefinger. "Nod's as good as a wink to a blind 'orse, if you know what I mean, miss.

Now Bella, you know Jacob adores you. He naturally wants to protect you. He literally worships the ground you walk on. Ha ha, Bella said dryly. Earth demon. Worship the ground. Cute. Really cute.

Would it help if I told you I am a little rusty when it comes to having a relationship?" "A little? They can hear your hinges squeaking all the way on Mars," she said irreverently.

Asked by a bank officer to identify himself, the Mulla reached into his pocket, took out a small mirror, and studied it for several seconds. Then he announced with confidence, "Yes, that's me all right, I am happy to confirm it.

Smiling amiably, the San Angelo man said: "If you do have to explain it, why not use the old joke? Man asked a rancher in the Fort Stockton area: 'Caleb, your six boys are all good Democrats, I hope?' and Caleb said: 'Yep, all but Elmer. He learned to read.

What did the hat say to the hatrack? You stay here and I'll go on a head.

Frikkie said, "Van der Merwe had a flagpole lying on the ground. He propped it in its hole, got a ladder and a tape measure and tried to climb up to measure it, but the flagpole fell down. Twice again he propped it up and tried to climb it. Finally a Kaffir said, 'Baas, why don't you measure it when it's on the ground?' and Van der Merwe said, 'Stupid Kaffir, I want to know its height, not its width.' Ã¢â'¬Â Jopie said

I would watch either Michael Cera doing comedy or Louis CK doing stand-up. This would

Comedians are the best public speakers and are up against the most brutal audiences, so you must study them. Learn from them.

if you can't find the humor in everything around you, then eventually you find out too late that the joke is on you.

And by the way, I know my title said "10 Reasons" and I only listed "6". I didn't learn to count in college.

Of course, I must say that I don't think America is God's gift to anybody--if it is, God's days have got to be numbered. That God these people say they serve--and do serve, in ways that they don't know--has got a very nasty sense of humor. Like you'd beat the shit out of Him, if He was a man. Or: if you were.

Of course, I must say that I don't think America is God's gift to anybody—if it is, God's days have got to be numbered. That God these people say they serve—and do serve, in ways that they don't know—has got a very nasty sense of humor. Like you'd beat the shit out of Him, if He was a man. Or: if you were.

America is God's gift to anybody—if it is, God's days have got to be numbered. That God these people say they serve—and do serve, in ways that they don't know—has got a very nasty sense of humor. Like you'd beat the shit out of Him, if He was a man. Or: if you were.

You're sweet, funnyface," he sometimes said, "but, you know, you aren't really very bright." She was scarcely at all mollified by his adding. "Thank heaven. I hate bright women.