Quotes About Humor

Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can't figure out what from.

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

And then also I think it's harder for women because comedy is so opposite of being ladylike.

What doesn't kill men makes them stronger. What doesn't kill women makes men breakfast.

I learned to draw everything except glamorous women. No matter how much I tried to make them look sexy, they always ended up looking silly... or like somebody's mother.

The only time that most women give their orating husbands undivided attention is when the old boys mumble in their sleep.

Men are superior to women. For one thing, men can urinate from a speeding car.

God created women beautiful - so that men can love them - and stupid - so that they can love men.

My body has been making women laugh for the last 20 years and I'm happy to continue to oblige.

The body of a young woman is God's greatest achievement...Of course, He could have built it to last longer but you can't have everything.

I have a friend named Doris who argues, on good authority, that the single biggest cause of global warming is menopause.

God made man, and then said I can do better than that and made woman.

I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce. Mark Twain Women are an alien race set down among us.

An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.

People often ask why comedy is harder for women, and the reason is because a tampon will sometimes fall out when you're on stage. Blokes don't have that worry.

I like subversive humor, freckles, women's knees and long hair, the laughter of playing children, and a girl running down the street.

I live in a flat with 3 women, I call it surround sound. I keep the ugly one behind the sofa as a woofer.

The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies.

Russian men have a saying: "Women are like buses..." That's it.

Intelligent women always marry fools

Women don't ask to be raped, but there are some that are asking to be motorboated

When you set out to do a show about a sponge, you can't anticipate this kind of craze. We just try to make ourselves laugh, then ask ourselves if it's appropriate for children.

You have to imagine you write a show about a sponge and you think that maybe a few people will think it is funny, some college students, but it takes off. It is truly shocking - to the point where it is bizarre.