Quotes About Humor

Remember, half the people you know are below average.

I think my new iPhone 5S is broken. I pressed the home button and I'm still at work

When I try to use incantations at work i often find they have no effect and my coworkers just laugh at me.

There is nothing so awkward as courting a woman whilst she is making sausages.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

He charged nothing for his preaching and it was worth it too.

My philosophy of life is that I am deeply, deeply serious about my work and for the rest I like to have a few laughs.

I do my podcast on Mondays for a specific reason. A lot of people go to work and don't like their jobs. If you give people something to laugh about, it's good.

Well, just being stupid and politically incorrect doesn't work. You can be politically incorrect if you're smart.

Look, I'm over 40, I'm single, and I work in musical theater - you do the math!

Every comedian is just doing the comedy they find funny. This is me and it's not clean in any way. I could get a lot more work on TV playing clean but it's never interesting.

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

And I also felt that no one in an audience could abuse me worse than the sort of abuse I had had at work as a psychiatric nurse.

I have a lot more fun making comedies because there's a levity on the set, and I find it difficult to go to work and, you know, cry for 12 hours.

My mother taught me what it is to have a sense of humour; my dad, who was a headmaster, everything you need to know about hard work. My dad is the most decent man you could come across.

In fact I always disliked conceptual art, because my work is about anarchistic humor.

I don't get off on romantic parts. But I often think if I had had my dental work done early on, well, maybe.

Having George W. Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper give you a facial, it just doesn't work!

My mate asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?" I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me."

Comedy is so fun. I don't know how these people can make movies and work on them for four months and they're these sob stories. I don't know how emotionally you get through that.

My work is a mitzvah for the eyes & ears...and it will help you forget about your problems by thinking about mine for a change!

I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, "Why are you jogging in your underwear?" He says, "You came home from work early".

If women are breadwinners and men bring home the bacon, why do people complain about having no dough? I'm confused. Also hungry.

A mate of mine told me recently, 'It's the first time I've seen you work, Worthington.' I thought that was quite funny, but he was right.