Quotes About Humor

I like somebody who makes me laugh. He's also got to be prepared - I'm sort of a loose cannon, in a good way. I also like people who disagree with me and make me work to prove my point.

Guns don't kill people, husbands who come home early from work kill people

When I see guys in bars wearing the real fitted kind of Calvin Klein v-neck t-shirts I just want to go up to them and be like, 'Oh, do you work out? Your tricep looks so great - thank you.'

Things are rarely just crazy enough to work, but they're frequently just crazy enough to fail hilariously.

This veridic nose arrives everywhere a quarter of an hour before its master. Ten shoemakers, good round fat ones too, go and sit down to work under it out of the rain.

We've all been there, onstage. You say something you don't mean, you make fun of something on accident but... This wasn't that. This wasn't crowd work. This was a rehearsed set. This was pointed.

All that the comedian has to show for his years of work and aggravation is the echo of forgotten laughter.

I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.

I've sorta learned that I'm so tired of taking myself so seriously. It's so great to show up at work and truly enjoy every word you say.

Oysters are supposed to enhance your sexual performance, but they don't work for me. Maybe I put them on too soon.

My brother applied for work, but was told by the company that it had more employees than it needed. My brother said, "Don't worry. The little bit of work I do won't be noticed !!!"

Before I go to work, I like to pump myself up by crying over my master's degree.

I do a lot of Vegas work and work with the comedians.

But if people will laugh at my work and keep a sound roof over my head, who am I to complain?

Jack Benny was, without a doubt, the bravest comedian I have ever seen work. He wasn't afraid of silence. He would take as long as it took to tell the story.

I would say most comedians have a very cynical worldview of the way the world can work. It's almost like if you didn't, you couldn't be a comedian.

There is that thing about not working with animals and children - I don't think that's true. Although you should never work with donkeys.

I would love to work with Sir Anthony Hopkins. How and why that would happen in a comedy I'm not sure - why he would be dragged over to my side, or I'd be be dragged over to his side.

God is a great humorist. He just has a slow audience to work with.

My favorite work is The Full Monty because I got an Oscar for it. But it was really hard work at the time. Sometimes comedy is not a bundle of laughs to actually do.

I'm very proud of being Jewish. It means I have a good work ethic, and you get Jewish humour and you're allowed to tell Jewish jokes.

I'll probably stick to comedy for the time being. I mean, a great piece of work is a great piece of work, and I'm up for good work anytime. But I do love comedy!

Whenever I do a comedy show I still just read poems, some of which are intentionally funny and some of which are just bizarre. The mix seems to work well.

I'm a comic, so I like to stay nocturnal. I work 10 p.m. to 1 a.m.