Quotes About Humor

Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother, Colin. Or my younger brother, Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

People ask 'do you make a conscious effort not to swear?' - if you're doing silly stuff you're not tempted to put swearing in. All the comics from my childhood, who were funny without swearing, were the people that influenced me. What I do is quite traditional anyway.

Argus had a thing for highlander ale – made with real Scotsmen

whenever a soldier is laughing instead of blasting you with his futuristic superweapon, that's a good thing.

I hate it when Bogdan gets sincere. It means I have to work twice as hard to dislike him.

Les Escargot, a gourmet restaurant run by giant snails. The food's supposed to be great, but you wouldn't believe how slow the service is.

Sometimes you have to laugh at the absurdity of this system, so as not to cry.

Leo laughs. It has the too bright, clear sound of someone who has to laugh a lot professionally.

Being laughed at is excellent preparation for marriage.

Benson, you are so free of the ravages of intelligence

He works twelve hours a day, with some of the world's stupidest animals, placed in an environment that is foreign to their native ground. He might as well be raising chickens in Rockefeller Center.

Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot actually masturbate. —DAVE BARRY, Pulitzer Prize–winning American humorist

Person A: What happens when Bill Gates walks into a bar of 55 people? Person B: I don't know. What? Person A: The "average" net worth jumps to more than a billion dollars!2

Here's a statistician joke for your next hot date: Person A: What happens when Bill Gates walks into a bar of 55 people? Person B: I don't know. What? Person A: The "average" net worth jumps to more than a billion dollars!

First of all, if we're serious all the time, we'll wear out before we get the truly serious stuff done. Second, if this book were all stern looks and no winks, all productivity and no grab-assing, you'd remember very little. I agree with Tony Robbins (page 210) that information without emotion isn't retained.

started out basically imagining I was writing for a stadium full of replicas of myself—which made things easy because I already knew exactly what topics interested them, what writing style they liked, what their sense of humor was, etc.

Dude, are you turning into the bald fat man in the red BMW convertible?

The factory of the future will have only two employees, a man and a dog. The man will be there to feed the dog. The dog will be there to keep the man from touching the equipment.

Poor Charlie's Almanac: The Wit and Wisdom of Charles T. Munger (Charles T. Munger),

if we're serious all the time, we'll wear out before we get the truly serious stuff done.

If you ever see Jimmy Fallon on the street, don't say, 'I love The Tonight Show!' Just say something like: 'What do you think of kiwi?' and he won't be able to not be like, 'I love kiwi!

La magia es que poca gente sabe dibujar bien y escribir chistes.

I promise, if you just tell the truth and get your heart broken as a comedian, you will have a house.

Fifty Shades of Chicken That's the title of Shaun's "most-gifted" book. Totally serious. I assumed it would be a complete joke, but it has nearly 700 reviews on Amazon and a 4.8-star average.