Quotes About Humor

I'm so clever, I don't understand half of the things I'm saying.

My dear boy, I love hearing my relations abused. It is the only thing that makes me put up with them at all.

If you're going to tell people the truth, make them laugh.

JACK: For heaven's sake, don't try to be cynical. It's perfectly easy to be cynical. ALGERNON: My dear fellow, it isn't easy to be anything nowadays. There's such a lot of beastly competition about.

Life is much too important a thing ever to talk seriously about it.

Here are two chairs; let us sit down and see the smart people go by.

Humanity takes itself too seriously.

When you call me that, smile.

I grew up having to piss in a bucket 'cos there was no indoor shitter, and now I have these computerised Japanese super-loo things that have heated seats and wash and blow-dry your arse at the touch of a button. Give it a couple of years and I'll have a bog with a robot arm that pulls out my turds, so I don't have to strain.

She was definitely the sort of girl who puts her hands over a husband's eyes, as he is crawling in to breakfast with a morning head, and says Guess who!

Jeeves, whatever his moral defects, would never go about in skirts calling me Bertie.

She had a laugh like a squadron of cavalry charging over a tin bridge.

though the conversation always touched an exceptionally high level of brilliance, there was apt to be a good deal of sugar thrown about.

She is a waitress at his lordships club. My God! The Proletariat! The lower middle classes, sir. Well, yes, by stretching it a bit, perhaps.

We'll fling the door open and make a rush, said Bill. Supposing they shoot, old scout? Burglars never shoot, said Bill. Which was comforting provided the burglars knew it.

Cheer up, Crips, and keep smiling. That's the thing to do. If you go through life with a smile on your face, you'll be amazed how many people will come up to you and say 'What the hell are you grinning about? What's so funny?' Make you a lot of new friends.

I'm] as broke as the ten commandments.

I clutched at the brow. The mice in my interior had now got up an informal dance and were buck-and-winging all over the place like a bunch of Nijinskys.

You could have knocked me down with a feather,' said Lady Abbott, quite untruly. The feather had not been grown by bird that could have disturbed her balance for an instant.

It was a fine cow, as cows go, but, like so many cows, it lacked sustained dramatic interest.

Right ho, Jeeves.

But what is the love life of newts, if you boil it right down? Didn't you tell me once that they just waggled their tails at one another in the mating season?' 'Quite correct.' I shrugged my shoulders. 'Well all right, if they like it. But it's not my idea of molten passion.

A man who can set out in a cab for a fancy-dress ball and not get there is manifestly a poop of no common order.

She gazed at Berry with stolid affection, like a cow inspecting a turnip.