Quotes About Humor

Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?

I don't even know how to use a parking meter, let alone a phone box.

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

And I definitely gravitate toward people who use laughter to pull themselves out of the abyss.

I used to have nightmares that they would put 'He played Ted' on my tombstone.

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Like every comedian, if I heard a joke that I thought would work, I used it.

When I was a kid, I used to think pork chops and karate chops were the same thing.

If properly dried and trimmed, New York-style pizza could be used to make a box for Chicago-style pizza.

I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.

I used to sleep nude - until the earthquake.

I have two brothers, and we used to always laugh at oblivious people. People who are so cocky and full of themselves that they just don't realize how stupid they are. And those kind of idiots really make me laugh.

Don't judge. I used to buy underwear because I didn't do my laundry.

A real man doesn't know what cellulite is. Until I was 30 I thought cellulite was a building material used for restoring plasterwork in stately homes.

Comedy is a tool to be used so that people can relate to each other.

Because I was a shy and awkward child, I used humour to deflect attention. It was a controlling mechanism. Because I could use it to control my image.

My aunt used to call me light bulb head because my head is small at the bottom and bigger at the top. But it was a term of endearment.

Seeing the funny side of life is useful, and I've always had a sense of humour.

What 'SNL' taught me that was useful on 'The Watch' was, only put in bad words if they can get a laugh - there was no need for swear words and beeps in places that weren't necessary. Those beeps should only be in there when they mean something and it's important to the joke.

I learned how to fire a sniper rifle, which I'm sure will be useful at some point.

I think a good dollop of sadness is quite a useful thing in comedy sometimes. I think if everyone's happy all the time, it's a bit dull. It's like salt and caramel - you wouldn't imagine they would go well together, but they do.

What's so useful about the British culture of politeness is the level of passive aggression is really fun to write.

I have to confess here that I am a useless cook.