Quotes About Humor

When Mr Bird had written his will and had read it over he became aware that he was laughing. He heard the sound for some time, a minute or a minute and a quarter, and then he recognized its source and wondered why he was laughing like that, such a quiet, slurping sound, like the lapping of water.

Major Eele observed Studdy clumsily thinking. He saw an opportunity to create a pleasant mischief and did so immediately.

My friend Donna even likes to give humorous names to her reactive emotions such as "Freddy Fear," "Judge Judy," and "Anger Annie.

Churchill was in the lavatory in the House of Commons and his secretary knocked on the door and said: Excuse me Prime Minister, but the Lord Privy Seal wishes to speak to you. After a pause Churchill replied: Tell His Lordship: I'm sealed on The Privy and can only deal with one shit at a time

Churchill kept perspective on the crowds that gathered to hear him speak by conceding they would be twice as big if gathered to see him hanged.

Sir, se lei fosse mio marito, io le avvelenerei il tè. -Madam, se lei fosse mia moglie, io lo berrei. Dialogo tra Lady Astor e Winston Churchill

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

I could say how well he dances, but that isn't true, for he dances like that big friendly bear I saw last Christmas.

Demelza cominciò a cantare giocosa e con voce profonda: «C'era una vecchia coppia, senza un soldo in tasca, Tweedle, tweedle, go twee.»

Ormai quasi sempre le discussioni tra di loro finivano con una risata, la grazia inconfondibile che alleggeriva la loro unione.

Ross?» «Sì, fiorellino?» «Ancora fiorellino» disse lei. «Stasera sono stata un bocciolo e un fiorellino. Spero che tra qualche anno non comincino a chiamarmi baccello.» Lui rise a bassa voce ma a lungo.

What was the matter with him? No sense of humor to leaven life? Must every act be dead serious, a weight upon his head and hands? Loving was a recreation; all the poets sang of its lightness, its levity. Only the dull clod raised barriers of creed or conscience.

A joke is a very serious thing.

An old battleax of a woman said to Winston Churchill, If you were my husband I would put poison in your tea. Churchill's response, Ma'am if you were my wife I would drink it.

Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea. Churchill: Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it.

Toilet paper too thin, newspapers too fat!

We remember the sardonic war-time joke about the optimist and the pessimist. The optimist was the man who did not mind what happened so long as it did not happen to him. The pessimist was the man who lived with the optimist.

A joke's a very serious thing.

Moim uczniom mówiÄ™: pamiÄ™tajcie, ?e nie jestem jednym z waszych zacnych, patentowanych i gwarantowanych profesorów. Ze mnÄ… nigdy nic nie wiadomo. W ka?dej chwili mogÄ™ powiedzie? gÅ'upstwo, albo skÅ'ama? - w ogóle wystrychn?? na dudka. Ze mnÄ… nie ma ?adnej gwarancji. Jestem draÅ" - lubiÄ™ siÄ™ zabawi? - i gwi?d?? - gwi?d?? - gwi?d??... na was i na moje nauczanie.

Bertie, he said, I want your advice. Carry on. At least, not your advice, because that wouldn't be much good to anybody. I mean, you're a pretty consummate old [prat], aren't you? Not that I want to hurt your feelings, of course. No, no, I see that. What I wish you to do is put the whole thing to that fellow Jeeves of yours, and see what he suggests.

Alf Todd, said Ukridge, soaring to an impressive burst of imagery, has about as much chance as a one-armed blind man in a dark room trying to shove a pound of melted butter into a wild cat's left ear with a red-hot needle.

writing Jeeves stories gives me a great deal of pleasure and keeps me out of the public houses.

Why did the chicken cross the road? there already was a chicken on this side of the road.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank.