Quotes About Humor

If I got a paper cut, that's a tragedy. If you fell down an open manhole and died, that's comedy.

How to make God laugh. Tell him your future plans.

I read 'War and Peace' in 20 minutes," he says. "It's about Russia.

Muerte (Una comedia) Anna: Mientras no se trate de algo agradable, ningún momento es el adecuado

Duelo de ingenio con el inspector Ford El secuestro extravagante Os quiere, Kermit. P.S. Esto no es una broma. Adjunto una broma para que podáis apreciar la diferencia

Dios (Una comedia) DORIS: Fidipides. ¿Cómo puedes negarte? DIABETES: Cuando se es un cobarde, ciertas cosas resultan muy fáciles.

He opened my eyes to just how great S. J. Perelman was, superior to all other funny minds, an axiom I hold to this day.

He hecho un curso de lectura veloz y he leído Guerra y paz en veinte minutos. Habla de Rusia.

For the written record in this personal document, let me simply say to me, Groucho Marx, W. C. Fields, and Elaine May are indisputably funny, with S.J. Perelman the funniest human of my time on earth.

What people who don't write don't understand is that they think you make up the line consciously — but you don't. It proceeds from your unconscious. So it's the same surprise to you when it emerges as it is to the audience when the comic says it. I don't think of the joke and then say it. I say it and then realize what I've said. And I laugh at it, because I'm hearing it for the first time myself.

To say that I was blown away by Mort Sahl—it would be like when I first tasted spare ribs.

Mom had five sisters, one more homelier than the next, with Mom arguably the homeliest of the swarm.

There are millions of comedians around or certainly there were when I started. They play nightclubs, or on TV, or at private functions, and they all need material: jokes, bits, routines, something to say. Most of them were not very good as evidenced by the fact that they needed other people to put words in their mouth, funny words. If left on their own, they couldn't coax a chuckle from a manic fat man on laughing gas.

He wrote the definitive book on How to Achieve Orgasm in a Rent-Controlled Apartment.

You want to do mankind a real service? Tell funnier jokes.

I'm ordering a bottle of Bordeaux. I know as much about wine as I know about horses or bipolar women.

I dined alone and went to sleep, keeping one eye open all night lest Milt Rosen roll over onto my side of the bed. I was prepared to let out a piercing shriek.

Soon-Yi will be the first to tell you in over twenty years of marriage, and the many disagreements we've had, I have never once been right on a single issue.

Well I've been toying with this notion: that the New York Times is the only paper with no comic strip and what if they had one and it was like Superman but when he changed his clothes he changed into a Wall Street broker.

By now I had taken to sauteing my Xanax for culinary variety

You can tell from my movies; while some are entertaining, no idea I ever had is going to start any new religion.

She bought him a leather-bound edition of Miss Julie and inscribed it "To Jerry, You only live once. If you're a schlemiel, twice won't help. Love, Lulu.

Not believing in a hereafter, I really can't see any practical difference if people remember me as a film director or a pedophile or at all. All that I ask is my ashes be scattered close to a pharmacy.

Where did all these thirsty comics come from? I never knew a monologist to keel over from dehydration. Actors play hours of Shakespeare without Hamlet or Lear sneaking behind a drape for a belt of Poland Spring water.