Quotes About Humor

Wherever there is objective truth, there is satire.

I don't think I'm funny.

Some mornings you wake up and think, gee I look handsome today. Other days I think, what am I doing in the movies? I wanna go back to Ireland and drive a forklift.

Once, when Nick, Alice, and Elisabeth went away for a weekend together, Elisabeth spent ages at the breakfast table studying the "nutritional information" panel on the side of a container of yogurt, warning them darkly, "You have to be really careful with yogurt." Whenever Nick and Alice ate yogurt after that, one of them would always shout, "Careful!

Was she ever grumpy? Did she ever yell? Fall about laughing? Eat too much? Drink too much? Call out for someone to bring her toilet paper? Lose her car keys? Was she ever just a human being?

What are you babbling on about, woman?" sighed Chloe. She'd picked this phrase up from her father and imitated his weary tone perfectly. They'd made the mistake of laughing the first time she did it, so she'd kept it up, and said it just often enough, and with perfect timing, so that they couldn't help but keep laughing.

She'd once been appalled to hear of women claiming PMS as a defense for murder. Now she understood. She could happily murder someone today! In fact, she felt like there should be some sort of recognition for her remarkable strength of character that she didn't.

Amy had never had a boyfriend hit her, although she'd had a couple who fucked her when she was too out of it to consent, but that was before consent got fashionable. Those kinds of incidents used to be considered 'funny'. Even 'hilarious'. The worse you felt, the louder you laughed. The laughter was necessary because it put you back in charge. You didn't remember, so you created a memory you hoped was the truth.

They'd both apologized, and there had been no lingering bitterness. Will wasn't a sulker. He was actually pretty good at negotiating a compromise. And he rarely lost his sense of humor or ability to laugh at himself. "Did you see the way I repacked your frying pan?" he said. "That was a masterstroke, eh? Put you in your place, didn't it?" For a moment

I want gunshots and canned laughter and dog food commercials. Nothing seems too tragic when the television is blaring.

Bad boys don't bring you coffee in bed, I'll tell you that for free.

One epidural for my headache, please.

Neither of us is going to jail, you ninny. One day we'll be sweet little old ladies and we'll probably forget that it didn't happen the way we said it did.' 'I can't imagine us as sweet little old ladies.' 'It does seem unlikely.

She's very loving—maybe too loving. I remember her squatting down in the kitchen saying, 'Hello, little fella,' and we all looked down and saw she was trying to pat a cockroach. Mum nearly dropped dead on the spot.

Listeria, wisteria. Ha. Funny words. She

never got drunk like that again. I'm too much of a control freak to have other people falling about laughing while they describe my own actions to me.

The more earnest people got, the more flippant she became. It was a flaw.

Of course they danced together; how could Callum resist dancing with a real live woman instead of a cardboard cut-out?

The drama of her delivery was so deliberately hyperbolic it wasn't even funny. It should have been funny, yet it wasn't.

Joy preferred not to embarrass Steffi by offering her dog food as Steffi didn't appear to know she was a dog. She chatted at length with Joy each morning after breakfast, making strange, elongated whining sounds that Joy knew were her sadly unintelligible attempts at English. The one time they'd taken her to the local dog park, Steffi had been appalled and sat at their feet with an expression of frozen hauteur on her face, as if she were a society lady at McDonald's.

John-Paul?" TWO If this is a joke," said Tess, "it's not funny.

if an arm-less, leg-less woman on a skateboard could find a man, surely Sophie was doing something very, very wrong? How did this woman meet him? Pull on his trouser leg as she rolled by him in a nightclub?) Now

after a fancy-dress fortieth, and a very weird sober kiss with a fat man in the

Their friends had got so old that whenever Connie bought a get-well card she also bought a sympathy card at the same time, to save herself the trouble of going back to the newsagent when they didn't 'get well'.