Quotes About Humor

And I watch 'Saturday Night Live' religiously, I have since I was a little boy. I watch it basically like one of my favorite sports teams.

I put a thong on a few months ago trying to be sexy. I've been looking for it but ain't seen it since.

This book is to help you understand that life is sometimes hard, and you have to laugh your way through it.

You know, people don't want their intelligence insulted. They don't want to be preached to. They don't want to be degraded. All they want to do is sit, laugh, have a good time, love one another, forget about what's going on in the world, and find something out so they can be useful in this life. Do this and you have common sense.

All I had to say to anyone that doubted our love was, "Eat your knickers!".

Never take drugs before Marmalade

He was your usual man when it came to romance, which is to say he couldn't recite Baa Baa Black Sheep when sober, whereas when drunk, sixteen cantos of Byron's Don Juan was par for the course.

Stay in drugs, don't do school.

I know only two tunes. One of them is 'Yankee Doodle' the other isn't.

I'd like to classify my life as a romantic comedy. Unfortunately I feel it's probably more like a TV reality show.

The comic is the perception of the opposite; humor is the feeling of it.

HAVE YOU MICROWAVED YOURSELF TODAY?

I am in shape. Round is a shape... is not it?

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute.

I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.

Small boy's definition of Father's Day: It's just like Mother's Day only you don't spend so much.

I keep trying to lose weight... but it keeps finding me!

Food has replaced sex in my life; now, I can't even get into my own pants.

God's last name is not "Dammit."

Children always know when company is in the living room - they can hear their mother laughing at their father's jokes

Baseball wrong - man with four balls cannot walk

Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind

I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced

I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.