Quotes About Humor

With all due respect, if you're forty-three, then I'm a fetus.

you know, how people say it's good luck if a bird shits on you? and people believe it! i just want to grab them and say, 'dude, don't you realize this whole superstition was made up because no one could think of anything else good to say to a person who'd just been shit upon?

You wanna-I dunno-get coffee or something sometime? Justin smiled Not coffee. But yes. Not Coffee it is, then. Yes, Not Coffee.

It looks like Animal and Miss piggy had sex, I said. And this was the spawn. My eyes! Boomer cried. My eyes! I can't stop seeing it now that you've said it!

WHAT WAS JANE AUSTEN'S LAST FINISHED NOVEL? Vaginas and Virginity. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON IAGO KILLS IN OTHELLO? His manservant Retardio, for forgetting to change the Brita filter! WHAT HAPPENS TO THE LITTLE MERMAID AT THE END OF CHRISTIAN ANDERSEN'S THE LITTLE MERMAID? She turns into a fish and marries Nemo! Fuck you!

gothblood4567: 'sup? finalwill: i'm working. gothblood4567 on what? finalwill: my suicide note. i can't figure out how to end it. gothblood4567: lol

Your humor is your compass and your shield. You can hone it into a weapon or you can pull its strands out to make your very own cotton-candy blanket. You can't exist on a diet of humor alone, but you can't exist on a diet without it, either.

In the next election, I'm voting for your mom to be the next God.

No funny stuff in here tonight, you understand?" Dash said, "I assure you I could not contemplate any of your so-called funny stuff seeing as how I have no idea why I'm even here." Mark scoffed. "You bookish little pervert." "Thank you, sir!" Dash said brightly.

It's like, you know how sometimes you see a really sexy baby? Wait...

me giving my mom romantic advice is kind of like a goldfish giving a snail advice on how to fly." -Will Grayson (pg. 66)

scapegoat, n. I think our top two are: 1. Not enough coffee. 2. Too much coffee.

moms aren't the best audience for medication humor.

You made me lose my appetite, Boomer. My mom tells me that all the time. Your family must be just like mine!

me: just don't ask about his forty-three ex-boyfriends, okay? or ask him about why he's carrying around an axe. mom:... me: i'm kidding about the axe part.

El humor es tu brújula y tu escudo. Puedes afilarlo para convertirlo en un arma o arrancarle hebras para tejerte una colcha mullida. No se puede subsistir a base de humor, pero sin él, tampoco.

All the quips in the world couldn't prevent Oscar Wilde from becoming a lovesick fool.

anyone is laughing out loud about the things they lol. i think it should be spelled loll. like what a lobotomized person's tongue does. loll. loll. i can't think anymore. loll. loll! or ttyl. bitch, you're not actually talking. that would require actual vocal contact or <3. you honestly think that looks like a heart? if you do, that's only because you'v never seen scrotum. (rofl! what? are you really rolling on the floor laughing? well, please stay down there a sec while i KICK YOUR ASS)

We are such wonderful idiots, Peter thinks.

When the end comes, there will be important things to say, for sure. But there will also be that last laugh, and you will want it. Laughter rarely lasts longer than a few seconds, it's true. But how enjoyable those few seconds are.

isaac knows how stupid i find these things, and he finds them just as stupid as i do. like lol. now, if there's anything stupider than buddy lists, it's lol. if anyone ever uses lol with me, i rip my computer right out of the wall and smash it over the nearest head. i mean, it's not like anyone's laughing out loud about the things they lol. i think it should be spelled loll, like what a lobotomized person's tongue does. loll. loll. i can't think any more. loll. loll!

I stole Judy Blume's 'Forever' from my sister when I was eight,' I say. 'I figured if it was by the author of 'Superfudge', it had to be good. Well, I soon realized why she kept it under her bed. I'm not sure I understood it all, but I thought it was unfair that the boy would name his, um, organ, and the girl wouldn't name hers. So I decided to give mine a name.' Rhiannon is laughing. What was its name?' Helena. I introduced everyone to her at dinner that night. It went over really well.

Her sense of humor is indistinguishable from her sense of self.

crave, v.: Nothing makes me feel as welcome in the world as the sound of you laughing at a joke I've made.