Quotes About Humor

This is the first day of the rest of my life. So why is my hair sticking up like a cockerel?

Dave said, "Tarts' wardrobe?" "Loos." Dave said with sort of admirationosity in his voice, "Outstanding" midnight

Campingfahrt means not, as you might imagine, an unfortunate incident with Libby in a tent…. It means "camping trip." I think I have a natural talent for languages.

Libby carried on singing and wiggling around in Mum's arm, and then Mum noticed me. Being in my bedroom. "What are you up to, Georgia? Why are you in here?" I said, "Not that anyone notices, but this is actually my room. You know, for me to be in. I was in bed, as it happens." Mum said as she went out, "Oh you must be sooo tired, all that lip gloss and mascara to carry round all day." Vair vair amusing. Not.

If you use the electric vibrator near water, you will come and go at the same time.

Christmas ornaments, picture frames and Jeffery Epstein. Name three things that don't hang themselves.

Go sell your crazy somewhere else...we are all stocked up here.

Senator John Kennedy on Nancy Pelosi, "She can strut sitting down!"

She has a Billy goat brain and a mockingbird mouth!

We don't need to send in the clowns! They are already here!

Never eat Mexican food east of Mississippi or north of Dallas.

You know, that's the only good thing about divorce; you get to sleep with your mother.

I told her funny stories about our mother. How once she tried and tried to open a bag of Granny Goose potato chips, then gave up. "Life is just too damn hard," she said and tossed the bag over her shoulder.

I believe in the fatal hairdo just for the love of saying fatal hairdo .

Once when he [Demonax, a supposed Cynic sage] came upon two uncouth philosophers inquiring and wrangling with one another--one of them putting absurd questions, the other answering perfectly irrelevantly--he said "Don't you think, my friends, that one of these guys is milking a he-goat and the other putting a sieve underneath it?

He once saw two philosophers engaged in a very unedifying game of cross questions and crooked answers. 'Gentlemen,' said he, 'here is one man milking a billy-goat, and another catching the proceeds in a sieve.

How I Love Lucy was born? We decided that instead of divorce lawyers profiting from our mistakes, we'd profit from them.

children when they ask you why is your mama so funny say she is a poet she don't have no sense

A great step toward independence is a good humored stomach.

All things are cause for either laughter or weeping.

The fact that Ben has a new riddle book, and wants to entertain us all by reading out every single joke, "Why did the duck cross the road?", "To give the chicken a break.

Everything I buy is vintage and smells funny. Maybe that's why I don't have a boyfriend.

Sometimes you can dread something so much that when it actually happens, you can't help but laugh because you realize that you totally blew it out of proportion, and it's not nearly as bad as you thought it would be.

Simply by not owning three medium-sized castles in Tuscany I have saved enough money in the last forty years on insurance premiums alone to buy a medium-sized castle in Tuscany.