Quotes About Humor

Besides the pain in my gut, why shouldn't I laugh? I've almost escaped death in a foreign country.

To hear how great your friends think you are: fake your death, or, get married.

Once you hold the hand of Death, the only thing in life that can scare you is a sense of humor.

We clutch our bellies and roll on the floor...When I say this, it should mean laughter, not poison.

Death Laughs In The Faces Of Clocks

Wit defies deathbut death defines wit

I want to die like my grandfather died . . . peacefully in his sleep. Not like the other three people screaming in the car.

Simplicity, wit, and good typography.

As we say in Berlin, there are many ways to bake a parrot.

My New Year's Resolution List usually starts with the desire to lose between ten and three thousand pounds.

I understand - and often make fun of - the desire to run to the wall text before running to the painting.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

Shane Warne's idea of a balanced diet is a cheeseburger in each hand

I'm not on a diet. And it's funny cause people go 'Well, then why do you drink diet soda?' So I can eat regular cake.

Humor is an affirmation of dignity, a declaration of man's superiority to all that befalls him.

There is no dignity in a crying toothpick.

"In France," Marcel said with wintry dignity, "accidents occur in the bedroom, not the kitchen."

That's a pretty lame superhero name," I told him. "Scooby-Doo is already taken," he said with dignity. "Anything else sounds lame in comparison.

If you make a fool of yourself, you can do it with dignity, without taking your pants down. And if you do take your pants down, you can still do it with dignity.

I regret that I do not have the dignity of Ricardo Montalban, the class of Dean Martin, or the humor of Bill Cosby. I do have the heart of a lion.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

A girl has to have a beautiful smile, Beautiful eyes and she should have a good sense of humor. She should be honest, loving and trustworthy.

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

Sometimes life gives us lessons sent in ridiculous packaging.