Quotes About Humor

Do you want a tampon with that status? You moody bi....

Throwing lamps at people who need to lighten the f*ck up.

I love looking at the keyboard and seeing U&I together but hate it that under it, it says JK.

The difference between me and her? I can make him smile with my pants on.

Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's like a litter box. Full of sh...

Men are the best cooks. Because with two eggs, one sausage & a little bit of milk, he can fill a girl's tummy for nine good months.

Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah, now that's a real treat.

'I can always relate to tampon commercials'...said no girl ever.

A woman's faults are many. Men have only two, Everything they say and Everything they do...

Everytime I go into a port-a-potty I am thankful that I am a guy.

Man - a creature made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.

Thoughts when I'm on my period: Ah, my vagina is falling off! I'm going to die! Wow this is dumb! Why wasn't I born a boy? I hate all of you!

If I am home alone, there's a 97% chance I'm naked.

That sad moment when you realize that the trash goes out more than you do.

I wish 'You idiot.' was an appropriate way to end a work email.

Sarcasm is just one of the many services I offer to people who ask dumb questions.

2+2=fish, 3+3=eight, 7+7=triangle...I hate kids.

'Did you get braces?' Nah bro I'm just chewing staples.

Friday is like a superhero that always arrives just in time to stop me from savagely beating one of my coworkers with a keyboard.

Mondays should be optional...

Over 7 Billion people in this world and I'm still single? Ain't that about a b*tch.

And then Satan said, 'Put the alphabet in math....'

Dear life, When I said, 'Can my day get any worse?' it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.