Quotes About Humor

When something exciting happens I randomly slap the person next to me.

Saying, 'DUUDE...' before saying something important to a friend.

The awkward moment when your friend crops you out of a photo.

I love people who can make me laugh when I don't even want to smile.

We all have that one friend who needs to learn how to whisper.

That awkward moment when you're telling your friend something hilarious and they are just like, 'You already told me...'

You never realize how weird your friends are until you start to describe them to someone else.

You can make even the dullest day so damn interesting with your bright smile and hilarious sense of humor. You are simply awesome to have around. Have a lovely birthday, amigo.

I mumble a lot off-stage, I'm a mumbler. If I'm walking with a friend and I say something, he won't hear me, he'll say 'What?'. So I'll say it again, but once again he doesn't hear me, so he says 'What?'. But really it's just some insignificant sh*t that I'm saying, but now I'm yelling, 'That tree is far away.'

Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load his sh.. into a truck.

One out of four people in this country is mentally unbalanced. Think of your three closes friends; if they seem OK, then you're the one.

Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.

Most of the stuff I do on the show comes out of me just trying to make my friends laugh.

You can't be friends with a squirrel! A squirrel is just a rat with a cuter outfit.

I have friends who are going through chemotherapy, and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you've ever heard.

I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.

'Friendzoned' should be a relationship status on Facebook.

I just got cursed out via text and couldn't do anything but laugh, my friends love me.

That awkward moment, when people ask: Are you a couple? And you look at each other and wait who's going to answer first.

Funny how it was supposed to be to celebrate our friendship but turns up ending it. Ohhh the irony.

I have PMS and a GPS. Which means I'm a bi... and I will find you!

Go out looking like crap. CUTE GUY. fu...

Well aren't you being a Cunt-a-saurus Rex today.